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"it's REALLY dark in here." ~person locked in my trunk.
Just completed Level One of my MMA Grappling course: completely dress a toddler.
Not to brag, but it only took me six tries.
Great. My foot's asleep. Now it's gonna be up all night.
It's so embarrassing when my wife refers to my fannypack as a "murse."
I have a cowlick in my pubes.
Oops! Meant to say:
I have a cow lickin’ my pubes.
Winnie, Eeyore, and Piglet. Fine, but Tigger? Tigger? That's just wrong. I prefer Teegro or Tiger-American.
To-do item #3. Strangle neighbor with his new windchime.
Gunts n Roses #fatbands
I am a Renaissance hack; I suck at a ton of different skills. Including Twitter.
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