Ok. So far I've quit smoking cigars while showering and I've quit smoking while sleeping. So, backoff already.

I still think "Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms" sounds like something that ought to be a chain of convenience stores...

But then I've always wondered, what was the best thing before sliced bread?

…JUST IN: This appears to be a shark. Swimming down a street. Purported to be in New Jersey …  http://is.gd/S3eWGR  #Frankenstorm

I once wrote a children's book. But publishers weren't interested in a story where the lost kids were eaten by carnivorous gerbils.

I'm not sure Twitter is ever going to really catch on in Germany. I have a German friend and his screen name, alone, is 135 characters.

"Anti-social media consultant": For a fee, I'll annoy anybody you want.

OK. Here's the plan. I want everybody up here in North America to go wake up at least 3 of their neighbors and tell them to get on Twitter.

I'm back. Sort of. Something happened with the multi-phase particle transporter and my left leg is sort of transparent, but I'm mostly back.

*Has anybody considered the possibility that UFOs are aliens just coming here for the laughs?...*

Great 2 see the miners being rescued. But to keep it in perspective, we got people on Twitter who haven't been out of the basement in years.

There I was. Getting ready to tweet something REALLY funny when these other words came along and interrupted it.

Looking for some more folks to ff, but everybody is already following everybody. At some point this begins to resemble incest.

Yeah. ...That "Rapture" thing this Saturday. ....Yeah, right. .... Just to be on the safe side, though, I'm not paying any bills til Sunday.

Rats! Thought my ride was here. So many of these private jets all look alike these days.

I do some of my best thinking when I'm just sitting around in the dark. In between flushes, that is.

*Snow's not such bad stuff. For one thing, it covers up a lot of evidence*

Now I'm suddenly self-conscious about mentioning my "twitter stream."

I can't understand why anybody wouldn't be interested in starting a duckbilled platypus egg ranch.

As my caffeination level increases so, seemingly, does my cognition.