@the_dza's (D. E. Benson) most favourited tweets

@the_dza

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@the_dza's (D. E. Benson) most faved Tweets...

If a 7yr old boy asks you to smell something, do not.

@the_dza

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I got to 4th base tonight. That's the one where you share a diet coke and hold your farts all night, right?

@the_dza

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While comparing our ice-cream cones my son remarked that my was longer and thicker.

I didn't know that I had that kind of restraint.

@the_dza

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I am so excited about that extra hour of unemployment tonight!!

@the_dza

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Ann Coulter is the worst tranny ever.

@the_dza

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I like my coffee like I like my women, free and in the break room at work.

@the_dza

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Kanye West doesn't care about black people.

If he did he wouldn't act so goddamn ignant.

@the_dza

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I knew that wouldn't flush when I ate it.

@the_dza

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Sometimes I lag behind the group and *pretend* to tweet on my phone when in actuality I'm farting. You're welcome.

@the_dza

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If they put Reagan on money I'll start doing blow again.

@the_dza

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The thing about minimalism is

@the_dza

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7 yr old stages of grief: Crying, Tom & Jerry, Fried Ice-Cream, "Can I have a snake?"

@the_dza

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Dearest hipsters, Capri pants are for ladies. Come to think of it, lady's pants are also for ladies. Please adjust accordingly.

@the_dza

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My 7 y.o. just lost a tooth. I hope I still fit into my fairy costume.

@the_dza

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That corndog was so huge it was almost obscene, more like a porndog!

@the_dza

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I OH a Dr. at lunch say that he doesn't like to sweat during sex.

I bet his wife knows someone that does.

@the_dza

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I am drinking caffeine to counteract the side effects of a med I am taking to counteract the withdrawal effects of another med I quit taking

@the_dza

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If I have bad dreams about work then I should be allowed to nap when I get here.

@the_dza

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Dear waiter: I shouldn't taste your cologne.

@the_dza

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I put frankincense in my humidifier. This must be what baby jesus felt like.

@the_dza

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