I make obscure yet topical pop culture references! Look how funny and clever I am!

“@thetennisphenom: what i lack in penis size i make up in pokemon cards” - @dwreckm

@lexicrumpnmp with his tangled ass cord pic.twitter.com/A45PYV4t

@lexicrumpnmp all my hate pic.twitter.com/rOPctGOf

@lexicrumpnmp def. polycom. Like. Poly what?? Poly? Polycom? #uright

@dwreckm sure, electrons and protons.

“@donni: No matter how bad your life gets, some delusional idiot will be jealous.” @dwreckm

@dwreckm at least it doesn’t make you look like Jason Earles, amirite?

@princessalexx_ you look incredible. Good luck!

Why do different types of liquor exist? They all taste just as shitty.

At el chap just now... http://t.co/JS3w5deb

“@nealbrennan: If I wasn't such a dick, I'd be such a catch.” @dwreckm

I think @dwreckm's unfunniness has reached a point of no return.

The road to a revelation is sometimes the most ridiculous.

I accidentally clicked iTunes and had to endure 2 minutes of bouncing until I was able to close it again. #firstworldproblems

“@coolsexguy: Everybody hates me because I'm a shitty weird idiot who smells bad” - @dwreckm

@dwreckm tfw she doesn’t really exist. Only a memory of a perception. A phantom emotion that refuses to let us have peace.

@lexicrumpnmp that polyho phone is the worst employee in my office.I tell the phone this: stop being so insubordinate it say: noting. Fear

“@seanoconnz: I don't want to ruffle any feathers but Call Me Maybe is better than anything the Beatles ever did.” - @jonpyle

@thetennisphenom u my fav btw