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Inside all of us, there lies the capacity to dip everything in ranch.
Pretty sure if Daddy was a real man & he saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, the only laughter heard would be his after the ass-kicking he gave.
Love it when auto-correct replaces a properly spelled word with an improper one. Somewhere, John Connor is smiling.
RT @santdn: hope there's lots of animal lovers & we stop at least one person from buying cruel items such as @canadagooseinc #shutyourtraps
Cut a hole in my safety net. Quit my job. Freaking out. Only slightly, cuz I'm accidentally drunk & EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE GREAT YOU GUYS!
Dear Mother Nature; I assume our heatwave is punishment cause you're lonely in menopause? Mission accomplished, I'm sweating. Knock it off.
@yoyoha @shanenickerson Just snorted coffee up my nose. Thx, gentlemen.
Girls with haphazardly drawn whiskers & cat-ear headbands - tone down your zest for life, please #thisisnotacostume #atleastwearallblack
To all who still don't use garbage/recycle bins - if you're not going to share the responsibility of being here, get the fuck off my planet.
Today: coordinated w/ photogs & journalists for article on tattoo removal; my story's gettin' a spread in @torontostarlife on Sat. #neato
Can I just ask again why this whole Twilight series is as "awesome" as it "is"? Seeing the new preview, yeah it still blows #asyouwere
Really, iPhone? You can't find the word "fucking"? Cause it's what Steve Jobs is doing to me from the grave every time I try to type it.
A sarcasm font, highlighting sarcasm for clear & effective e-communication? Oh no, that wouldn't be useful at all.
My dad may not be spending #FathersDay with his kids, but he IS spending it with a woman who calls him "Daddy". #thingsyourkidsshouldntknow
Animal Welfare Fundraiser this Thurs #Toronto! For info & to make donations (416)729-1251 http://t.co/D08oVedi @ontariospca @toanimalservice
buying your affections with showmanship & extravagant gifts of deliciousness
