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Friends: 204
Followers: 701
Favs Given: 16,409
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@theacerbic1's (zzzzz....Huh What?) recent favourites. See who @theacerbic1 favs the most...
m1key_m00n
I'd wear green today but I'm colorblind and really don't give a shit.
@m1key_m00n
3
theacerbic1MrsNutcase215dropdeadchris
CroweJam
Men in my family are either preachers or prisoners. Women in my family often get faith healing confused with conjugal visits.
@CroweJam
ashamedtosay
5 ate broccoli.

I am officially declaring motherhood a win.

I'll be in the Winner's Circle if you need me enjoying a glass of champagne.
@ashamedtosay
16
MeetingBoyfundrummerchickkambrocktheacerbic1PunkrockiecravenheartlinajkinnerbitchBettyLiesrbokbeautifl1sCalamityAndreaBlondHousewifeBeDRooMbLuEsome1s_sistaDDDBU
ashamedtosay
This young one, he is fidgety. It is the fear. I bet it is the fear. Or the two cases of empty red bull cans I found in his office.
@ashamedtosay
5
A_N_G_E_L_I_N_EBlondHousewifeangryoldcoottheacerbic1BettyLies
facetious_one
The Beatles weren't against mixing it up a bit sexually you know. Norweigian Wood is about a girl who had er.. Norweigian wood. Um, yeah..
@facetious_one
3
SmmytheCheVolaytheacerbic1
facetious_one
Whatever happened to Howard Jones? He was a fan of mummies. Mummies who eat ice cream, no less.
@facetious_one
3
ashamedtosayCheVolaytheacerbic1
ashamedtosay
There is so much I swallow working here, and none of it good.
@ashamedtosay
ashamedtosay
If I say my phone number fast enough on this person's voice mail, there is a chance that they will never call back...yeah, I am *that* girl.
@ashamedtosay
10
snydtheacerbic1angryoldcootBrain_WashBlondHousewiferedtothetonekambrockbec1302chiclet_CalamityAndrea
facetious_one
DM: The Twitter equivalent of getting into a girl's pants.
@facetious_one
2
iamyoushouldtootheacerbic1
facetious_one
The sky suggests that it's safe to wear this white T. History suggests the sky is full of shit.
@facetious_one
5
SmmytheCheVolayglitterpleaselesbeebetheacerbic1
ruthakers
There's something about exercising daily and maintaining a healthy diet that makes me wonder if I'll ever partake in either of them?
@ruthakers
sha_suga
Receptionist: Sounds like you have a nasty cold.

Me: Sounds like you're a nosey bitch.
@sha_suga
RedHeadsRCrazy
a grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart
@RedHeadsRCrazy
1
theacerbic1
ashamedtosay
Does removing all personal items from my office during office clean up tip my hand that I don't like working here anymore? Good.
@ashamedtosay
15
JeanM617iamyoushouldtooBlondHousewifeDoogieHowser_MDangryoldcootCroweJamjasonmustianTrish1981WadetoBlackA_N_G_E_L_I_N_EjudyschuCalamityAndreatheacerbic1some1s_sistachiclet_
talks_in_maths
No offense, but I'd only circle half the globe to be with you.
@talks_in_maths
RedHeadsRCrazy
last load of laundry out of the dryer and put away... i think nudists have the right idea
@RedHeadsRCrazy
1
theacerbic1
HisTigerLily
*waving a glow stick* Landing strip is now prepared for any incoming traffic. Exact coordinates can be found in my pants.
@HisTigerLily
7
theacerbic1chipsholda3orneryredPinche_RoosterdropdeadchrisDeconileMVANARS1
facetious_one
So yeah, my daughter just yelled " bongos" before slapping my ass and running away.
@facetious_one
2
Smmythetheacerbic1
blondediva11
I lost an hour ........ON YOUR MOM..........and then she broke Twitter. Your mom is a powerful woman. (And not just her odour).
@blondediva11
facetious_one
Who the Hell is Grand and what " things" is he scheming about?
@facetious_one
1
theacerbic1
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