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  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    The hardest part of my day is stopping myself from rolling my eyes and making the jerk-off motion when people talk to me.

    • 1,741
    • FAVS
    nocturnologyKidBeatnix__RealShaughnSoRegressiveally_rutlandBorderlineawsmVenusFlyTrapzkamiekaymee
    • 958
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzRick_IZdeegeemindidrunkNnaughtyTruculent67Maybe_TumorrowCletusHammer
    VerifiedDrunkMindBytesAllanCresswellJT_IV_NowAPiscesUberPaki__________zxgravityxzBarebakAssassinCaseyMcCollumthatUPSdudenotfaizzyVikeeysSecretSlayerSays________IMBeanzllvvzzz5haeleTHEgoddessRedicupiditydawnofthedead14__OriginalNixsternoogOliverSmiffBuck4it__________Princess_Bop______
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    Remember ladies, if he doesn't want you, some other fucking loser that you're totally not into will.

    • 1,239
    • FAVS
    nocturnologyKidBeatnix__StephenBCramercassinthecloudzVenusFlyTrapzonume_CourageDRRick_IZ
    • 808
    • RETWEETS
    poeticbreezKidBeatnix__RealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzonume_ErikaLoulabelledrunkNnaughtyTruculent67
    thetobbiethatstingsHotComesToDieSCbchbumPuddingBoobsCandyWarholerachiecandiceAllTheUglyTruthGuyAdvisor
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    That one person that makes you feel like a million bucks also has the uncanny ability to make you feel like $1.14 in loose change.

    • 1,294
    • FAVS
    nocturnologyKidBeatnix__cassinthecloudzVenusFlyTrapzRick_IZGoddamnDelightdrunkNnaughtySkyler8306
    • 659
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzrobyn_voGoddamnDelightMaiGoudaaEmilyyyAcostaUnFitzsociablemonkey
    MidgetsparJermHimselfishDrThanatosxxprettymuchxeyednpainless____domesticHPuddingBoobsAngrea
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    Saying "agree to disagree" really means "I'm right but you're being an asshole & I'm sick of trying to reason with you."

    • 953
    • FAVS
    YBGTIBGtaelardinoisVenusFlyTrapzRick_IZdeegeemindijumbo_lyazuzugirlsWaterLilyDreams
    • 444
    • RETWEETS
    YBGTIBGRealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzdeegeemindiWaterLilyDreamsnotyourpapaLilMissRightyShipInTheKnight
    MrsDimiraMaui_Speaks______LABeachmom
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    I draw dicks on my face every Sunday night so my co-workers think I have a social life.

    • 869
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerHaciendaSquishcam4812BorderlineawsmpiercetheblehhhVenusFlyTrapzChazzio123Rick_IZ
    • 331
    • RETWEETS
    VenusFlyTrapzRick_IZClassicKimbahani_bee_14StcyBnsn82nd_11bbWildeWildetingradasaurus
    FSUSteve__________dsmitty_62SeanEmenylarisasaysJonJon_Brownzachreinert03DepecheALAmodeavaricious1One_FineMessimVigDoucheMcBaggusHormonella
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    Had to have "the sex talk" with my daughter, she was a little overwhelmed so I left out the part about golden showers & donkey punches

    • 1,001
    • FAVS
    FarmerBraxtonKidBeatnix__HaciendaSquishVenusFlyTrapzRick_IZdrunkNnaughtystraw158nbrown1981
    • 165
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzrobyn_voTruculent67ToddLackovichAphroditeAfter5brownpoopypantsThefoulfellow
    JonJon_Brownllvvzz
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    I don't forgive or forget, I pretend you're dead. It's easier.

    • 750
    • FAVS
    KidBeatnix__StephenBCramertaelardinoisHaciendaSquishVenusFlyTrapzdrunkNnaughtyLakelandrDawnRae
    • 315
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzShabzzy_HebaBishayNewBeginningsXDpaul_henry9LezFreedomAphroditeAfter5
    Not_From_TroyThedudishEFFFFFFYOU________PuddingBoobsBurgee66__________OngoingBSinmynewskin
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    The best foreplay is laughter.

    • 793
    • FAVS
    Little_Storm11VenusFlyTrapzdrunkNnaughtyswollenvoiceluvchil67Inyourtrunkalmostnandsdownandup4
    • 260
    • RETWEETS
    Little_Storm11VenusFlyTrapzInyourtrunk_whatever88Truculent67ClassicKimbaSunKiissdAutumnKelleyfab
    bourbonmelikeyblondecalamityFragileFriend____OhNoSheTwitnthappygodrink132_bpmLittleHarmonicatamytoo2Smethanie
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    Wow, a selfie giving the finger? Give me your address, I'll send you an Avril Lavigne cd to go with that anger and anarchy.

    • 679
    • FAVS
    KidBeatnix__StephenBCramertrialfemmetaelardinoisCleverestBoyBUD_GRLHaciendaSquishVenusFlyTrapz
    • 368
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnix__RealShaughntrialfemmeHaciendaSquishVenusFlyTrapzDavidSeow1995cleanyoungmessCarnalAlchemy
    CackleClubanother_lisaCroweJamhurlarious
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    Being right isn't nearly as important as knowing when to shut the hell up.

    • 690
    • FAVS
    KidBeatnix__VenusFlyTrapzdrunkNnaughtyTruculent67LakelandrCletusHammerCleverestBoyGina_AP1978
    • 323
    • RETWEETS
    VenusFlyTrapzbridge415Violent2Dope304MaryJaneNYCGoNolesKWJACKSONROYLaryyyssafatrango5
    nativerogueSilentMusings2Schmoodles________daddyville
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    I used to be worried about people at work finding my Twitter, until I watched them fuck up trying to send a fax.

    • 778
    • FAVS
    KidBeatnix__b4sageVenusFlyTrapzdrunkNnaughtyLoriGallucciTruculent67LakelandrDawnRae
    • 208
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnix__RealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzTruculent67lovelyjessijAphroditeAfter5dulcetryJaySaysStuff
    JustASmirkRossRants
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    I don't need anger management, everyone else needs to man the fuck up.

    • 581
    • FAVS
    HaciendaSquishVenusFlyTrapzdrunkNnaughtyTruculent67nativerogueLakelandrmightymouse1227ATownFiredog
    • 290
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzAphroditeAfter5YvisCi_am_mF3LysaBowmanWallStreetWeedEverchanging73
    0hJuliettedjr_102_FitsNShits
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    If you want to get over your sexual attraction to someone, get to know them.

    • 562
    • FAVS
    HaciendaSquishLittle_nessa_VenusFlyTrapzPeeking_At_YouCarrieHOlerichdryadxdreamsblondynka82Ga93Gabriel
    • 180
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnpiercetheblehhhVenusFlyTrapzPinchySniperpats_timeUtterDisasterDJdrunkNnaughtyTruculent67
    PeachyiskBlazedDonuts______wheatnik
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    I was worried about my son going to a party until I realized he wouldn't know what to do with a girl unless her vagina was a joystick.

    • 577
    • FAVS
    KidBeatnix__StephenBCramerHaciendaSquishVenusFlyTrapzdrunkNnaughtySussexGregory_Ms_Moneypenny_nativerogue
    • 125
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnix__RealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzOhemgeestephgHebaBishayFunnyTunespetiteunoTheSchnizzy
    JonJon_BrownOhNoSheTwitntBrianMongoldBuck4it__________renojenn__________
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    Why do we only crave what's bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I'd kill for some carrots."

    • 536
    • FAVS
    KidBeatnix__StephenBCramerAuxiliaryPiecassinthecloudzVenusFlyTrapzdrunkNnaughtynativerogueLakelandr
    • 165
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnix__RealShaughnhyperclean321AnilMohanlalKystifyVenusFlyTrapzMissCurlyBlacksFunnyTunes
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    "Oh, I just got what I wanted. Now I don't want it anymore." - every woman, ever.

    • 480
    • FAVS
    KidBeatnix__RealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzdrunkNnaughty_Ms_Moneypenny_nativerogueLakelandrCletusHammer
    • 189
    • RETWEETS
    Violent2Dope304KidBeatnix__RealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzClassicKimbagreg_ooseAphroditeAfter5SadiyyaLimalia
    KidBeatnix___xLNcwesjohnson8NickC46edheenan__________LittleHarmonica
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    No one tell those 50 Shades of Grey enthusiasts about porn. There'd be a suburban sexual revolution and kids would miss soccer practice.

    • 433
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerTXGalFLBoundVenusFlyTrapzdrunkNnaughty_Ms_Moneypenny_LakelandrDawnRaeHebaBishay
    • 228
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnTXGalFLBoundVenusFlyTrapzHebaBishayNDExperienceAphroditeAfter5BownuggetsSweetKatieL
    Canadian_HoserJuan_IncognitoPaxochkaHoneyUnhingedMoistPork
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    When you say "thanks slut" quickly, it sounds like "thanks a lot" - passive-aggressive me, this morning in the drive-thru.

    • 541
    • FAVS
    RealShaughncalandro72VenusFlyTrapzdrunkNnaughty_Ms_Moneypenny_CletusHammerHebaBishayWildeThingy
    • 116
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzClassicKimbaHebaBishayJACKSONROYsavage_wienergreek2289AphroditeAfter5
    scrirc____________Relocatablerachiecandice
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    Not really a lover or a fighter. More of a shrugger and "Where are the chips?" kind of person.

    • 420
    • FAVS
    gypsy_thugStephenBCramerFiphelcalandro72Tweetwatcher4VenusFlyTrapzdrunkNnaughtygristle_kisses
    • 217
    • RETWEETS
    KadeBeck3ErrenMichaelsKystifycalandro72Tweetwatcher4VenusFlyTrapzSMOKE_2_BRAVOCPTStayHard
    Angreabulls_horns______slyoung5
  • TheBlessMess
      Adie @TheBlessMess

    Love the one you're with.

    The one you want is banging someone hotter than you.

    • 477
    • FAVS
    FaceyspaceKidBeatnix__cassinthecloudzTweetwatcher4VenusFlyTrapzdrunkNnaughty_Ms_Moneypenny_DawnRae
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnix__RealShaughnVenusFlyTrapzHebaBishayJatin_OzMasquerader_tender_gameFunnyTunes
    NottaBigDealBlazedDonuts______
@TheBlessMess

@TheBlessMess

I'll haunt your underwear