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Apathy is a dish best served with whatever.
Starting to worry that my sexual prime is being wasted on masturbation.
I saw my cat and dog conversing by the fence the day after I found a headless squirrel on my front stoop. I think I'm next.
Blinkers aren't just random disco lights for your car. They serve a purpose. Use them.
Want me to call you back quickly? Just threaten to stop by my house.
I think I ate some bad karma.
Is that for me?
-anytime I see a boner
And by neighborhood mafia I mean my 5-year-old son and his cronies. They've got cards in their spokes. And they want their two dollars.
My iPod shuffle is stuck in suicide mode again.
"When did I realize I was God? Well, one day I was praying and realized I was talking to myself."
The walk of shame is only shameful when the neighbors are leaving for church and your bra is around your neck.
Disappointment. The deadly cousin of hope.
If you're wondering if I would ever embarrass you in public, the answer is yes.
Let's talk about your ex some more. I love that.
I'm getting in the shower now, hot avi guy who doesn't follow me.
I hate disco but get me to the rol-a-rink on 70s night in short shorts and tube socks and I'm a shameless ass-shaker and finger-pointer.
It sucked ass.
-my scholarly review of Human Centipede 2
I woke up this morning to your fingertips on my clit. No wait. They were mine. :(
I don't think wearing nightgowns helped the chipmunks assimilate into normal society. Especially Alvin's giant Scarlet letter.
It was Colonel Mustard. In the bathroom. With a bottle of lotion.
It's a thin line between love and hate. Dean and Gene Ween's little sister, Marlene. http://favstar.fm/users/thebloodclot