Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Before Chris Brown did a concert with them, they were just known as "The Peas".
My girlfriend asked me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.
I came back drunk.
My fucking neighbour had the cheek to knock on my door at 3.00am this morning! Lucky for him i was still up, playing my drums
The human body has 7 trillion nerves.....My ex wife manages to get on every fucking one of them.
My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes..
My wife asked me if there was anything she could do to spice up our sex life.I told her " Try not to snore while I fuck you."
Stop acting like God's gift to women... The gift was the Orgasm, You're just the messenger boy...
If your happy and you know it , what's your meds ?
One of the women at my work place is having a baby. I just haven't decided which one yet...
She said the spark between us had gone.... So I tasered her..
I'll ask her again when she wakes up.
A goal without a plan is just a wish.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and face-planted the floor, nobody wants to hear about your workout !!!
I going to prison for drugs.
I heard It's cheaper there.
I'm having fruit salad for dinner.
Well it's mostly grapes.
Ok it's all grapes,
I'm having wine for dinner.
Kim Jong-un threatening to strike the US is a lot like a teenager threatening to delete Facebook.
If I guy remembers what colour eyes you have after the first date...
You have small tits !
Woman's Rules :
1:Starve a fever
2:Feed a cold
3:Give PMS whatever the fuck it wants
Big girls don't cry....
WHEN I TWEET, I TWEET TO KILL You cannot imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give