Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.

I never tell people to go to hell. I don't want to see these assholes again when I'm dead.

When you open your heart to someone, there is blood. Lots and lots of blood. And then you die. So don't open your heart.

When life gives me lemons, I make lemon meringue pie..because lemonade is for amateurs...& because I'm gay..& we always take it up a notch.

To avoid butterflies in your stomach, don't eat caterpillars.

Curious how a bunch of strangers who've never met care so much about everyone else on here. I think we'll be alright after all.

You mean yoga is not just a bunch of how-to-fuck poses?

Vodka is my cup of tea.

How does one greet Hello Kitty without sounding redundant?

This is what it sounds like when doves cry: Whoark!!! Whoaaaaarkkk!!! Whoooooaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrkkkkk!!!!

I wreck myself and only then do I check myself.

It is very hard to domesticate one's imagination once you've allowed it to run wild.

Twitter is one giant on-going episode of The Golden Girls: snarkiness, sluttiness, tall-tales & laughter.....but always friendship.

Me:
Dog:
Me:
Dog:
Me:
Dog:
Me:
Dog:
Me:
Dog:
Me:
Dog:
Me:
Dog:
Me: You're my bestest friend in the whole wide world ever.
Dog: Word.

I think I might just start drinking champagne everyday. Surviving daily life seems a special occasion & reason enough to celebrate for me.

Boyfriend just said he's now Twitter elite. Who the fuck is he kidding? Go walk the dogs asswipe.

I'm the type of guy who would block fire exits. Because sometimes Natural selection needs to be nudged along.

Sometimes I'm amazed at the beauty of life & smile. Sometimes I can't get the zipper of my pants to work & I break down. Life is difficult.

oh.my.god. Stop your screaming. I have only the big toe in.

Chopsticks: because someone was too lazy to carve spoons and forks.