It's not really murder if you're already dead to me.

if i fuck up things between us, then it means that i like you.

you know what i find offensive? doesn't matter because that's my problem.

The idea of a person is usually better than the actual person.

do you know what would look nice on you? my car.

i hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore. facebook friends suck.

i woke up, showered, and got dressed for my nap.

If you love me, you're not paying attention.

the less people talk the more attracted i am to them.

I just want for my life to have a good soundtrack.

I'm too self centered to be a stalker.

I really need to stop going places where there are people.

i think you're perfect, but then again i'm stupid.

I sure hope that I have sex again before I die.

i have a feeling that i'm going to meet my soul mate at the liquor store.

we should hang out, tell each other everything, and then ignore each other for the rest of our lives.

i'll remember you for the rest of my beer.

this is twitter so make sure to take everything seriously.

whenever i want to feel really shitty about myself i stop drinking or fall in love.

The way I like to prepare to do things is by getting back in bed and not doing them.