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Karma Police arrest this man, his Wolverine sideburns are making me feel ill.
Do people who make good decisions know about all the fun they are missing out on?
Death metal drummers must be the pinnacle of fitness.
Hard to ask for a severance package when you quit your job as a guillotine operator.
Cubans must be so disappointed when they risk their lives to cross the ocean and it's just Florida.
Things I collect:
tears, broken dreams, nic nacs, pictures of cats, pizza boxes ...cats.
If I ever wanted to twittercide, I would just tweet things like, "I have the best girlfriend EVER!" so everyone would unfollow me
Big shout out to work for forcing me to have a bedtime as an adult.
My last Facebook pic post:
"This penis hasn't seen action in 100 days, my wife says if it gets 10,000 likes I can get some action."
Welcome to my stream of consciousness. Please don't drown.
I know I can't go hard so I just stay home.
Aint no party like my pity party cause my pity party don't stop & there's lots of cats.
When friends ask you to help them pack, break the first few things you touch. Then sit back and drink beer all afternoon .
Fried pickles should be served in a hubcap.
erectile dysfunction drug: Mycockisin
"Proudly putting the poon in Punjabi since 1978."--slogan for Calcutta's top escort service
Do Special-Ops take the short helicopter?
I think you mean Chad Ochenta y cinco
Even outer space doesn't like Russia.
I really wish Michael Jackson would have had a baby with Billie Jean King.
Watch me make history as the reefer smoke rises from the Sistene Chapel.