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  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    I cannot remember a person's name five minutes after meeting them, but I still know where every hidden 1-up mushroom is in Super Mario Bros.

    • 153
    • FAVS
    Juan_GolbezzeBextiniscrircDoom_JediashfuckingsayspetebeatSloanSharkPirateFatale
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    Juan_Golbezzeadorkablevalmanderella13danidemiamiUhhOkayThenIN2ISHNgoodballsJamila203
    Discourt
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    Jesus is the reason for the season. And the Crusades. And bigotry against homosexuals. And the KKK. And the Westboro Baptist Church.

    • 95
    • FAVS
    no_no_nouemFine_ImLizzietherealjessDStr8GuyGayQuoterose0justicethedailymarkerJuiceAgendaJackCojiSan
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    therealjessDJackCojiSanwhyholdbackUnknownPenguinlaneymgRavynStormMachineGunKatieHello_Crazy_Fox
    DallyDoll
  • theedmundwells
     
    Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    @travissmith30 @nealbrennan Leave it to some whore to steal the spotlight from the one day other whores are allowed to dress like whores.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    JackCojiSan8bitN8TequilaTearsmaulingmuellerGraceOrGorgonNaturalBornGrizxeyednpainlessShazzaLM
    • 83
    • RETWEETS
    alyspirasmartypants_vFiortaITStheGPnotlouisaAydee117marktsmithchillbilly17
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    If you use the low-fat instructions when you make Mac & Cheese I wish you luck in your Jihad against America.

    • 97
    • FAVS
    ASAPBullwinkleDoom_JediSofartedspliceosauruschuckt808aczajWill8KStella1070
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    Chesire73petebeatfab3rdfuckyeahchodzieTheJoeyCMonsterTan_skinalucardsdreamRadicallyConnor
    Nickadoo
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    Every kiss begins with Kay, but every dry, bitter handjob starts with Zales.

    • 94
    • FAVS
    ASAPBullwinkleDoom_JedipetebeatFine_ImLizzieaackinsomnibigdoperobBoomessalliefree
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    JackCojiSancatblair84ScottRotPotSnotHeyItsKamoWowItsStephenrebel1031KYBlue132favstar50
    CountRockula
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    I found out recently that the only thing Canadians think about all day is murder.

    • 84
    • FAVS
    ASAPBullwinkleJackCojiSanpetebeatSamGirlSundayTequilaTearsDJMerraliciousedheenanmaulingmueller
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    cagedatworkfavstar50pdFLIPSDruManchujamieisntfamous__MadelynFrankIdrinkatworksobeafreak
    DallyDoll
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    I don't care who you are, what you do, or how smart or rich you are, there is a YouTube commenter who thinks "your a dum faggit."

    • 71
    • FAVS
    ASAPBullwinklecatblair84JackCojiSanJamesCurtis_OKCedheenanJessicaFancyashfuckingsaysBrandonBrz
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    naj2241Ray_WilliamBrandonBrzmaulingmuellerMelodramagicCthunicornAizaLuena1Dfavstar50
    xeyednpainless
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    Kim Kardashian is divorcing because her husband flirted, called her fat, and made fun of her family. Her husband is Twitter, apparently.

    • 56
    • FAVS
    edheenanSteveSeaquistGraceOrGorgonsweet_toofBulldog0613MotionJess__chitenniscoachlaneymg
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    favstar50JasonLocustidontwantojoinBIZARROimhlpingSteveSeaquistElahmediHeyMa_WassupMundaneJoe
    The_Opposed
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    "President Lincoln has been shot!"
    "Pics, or it didn't happen."
    - One of my ancestors, probably

    • 58
    • FAVS
    JackCojiSanDJMerraliciousedheenanmaulingmuellersweet_toofwhatitis112MelodramagicGraceOrGorgon
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    favstar50wedietohideispypandaTwiterHeroYazibelleFoxicakessc4tt3rbr41njennypetro122
    xeyednpainless
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    My DVR allows me to transfer programs to my VCR because it evidently thinks I like Werther's Original and still say "colored people".

    • 67
    • FAVS
    JackCojiSanJamesCurtis_OKCDJMerraliciousbuttfacebeedieIanWearsPantsMentalErroristMichaelCalhoun1jscottwilson
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    MentalErroristsarahz81TR1LL1ANC3ladyjazsjunkwheatnikfavstar50edheenanAndysThumbs
    edheenan
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    Autocorrect suggested martyred when I was typing married. Touché, Autocorrect. Touché...

    • 57
    • FAVS
    Ron_SwansongStewieButtmuddCthunicornchristinatheleeDagagaSloanSharkBoomessJuiceAgenda
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    raineymarieBMWKing1favstar50JackCojiSanStavvieGKindofKyleMlmb787Melodramagic
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    "I totally fucked your mom." - Your dad

    • 55
    • FAVS
    JackCojiSanedheenanmaulingmuellerwhatitis112BarebakAssassinthe_moonfaceMelodramagicGraceOrGorgon
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar_NSFWMelodramagicJ_RecommendsbadtigerlilySeanKRegoJoshuaWRaleyMalcolmLeonardgods2cents
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    When someone says to me, "You're so funny" I ask them to write it out, and if it says, "Your so funny" I don't value their opinion.

    • 41
    • FAVS
    JackCojiSanpetebeatjer_bareNothing_76CandicePantzKindofKyleDJMerraliciousedheenan
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    KindofKylegracepopSalamanderxxbamka88josh_groft_LadyQuestion_Bubblious_NinaCountRockula
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    Got into an argument with a homeless guy about religion. Felt my 'I have to go to my warm home and watch my 52" HDTV' closing was strong.

    • 39
    • FAVS
    JackCojiSanKindofKyleedheenanbeepitt22ScottLinnenLipglosslesboeddy_liebeDanTheSnick
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    Jeff_FMDTFitz13DanTheSnicklazydinosaurusLaurab0310Legal_PhilBeeEllBeeThatGalKibler
    DanTheSnick
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    If you have never called 867-5309 and asked for a Jenny, we could never be friends, and I don't know what you're doing with your free time.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    JackCojiSanTequilaTearsedheenancmcmotorsportsGraceOrGorgontyrhondasaurusmisscnelly__________eTHEgoddess
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    Cognitive_DissLipglosslesboATownFiredogCaleeaizombieiCairdeas77dlayphotoJ_Recommends
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    I will take the Christ right the fuck out of Christmas if I'm sitting on a 145-character Xmas-themed tweet and I cannot make any more edits.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    ASAPBullwinkleiatrogeniclaneymgsaraburzySHRUTIndolenceRummyLaudedturnstile_bluesAaaaaarroooonnn
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    celesteeiiskullpuppy11frenchanitaKateRepliedSalanderPRRealPrincessKimNickGoul4rtLouisPeitzman
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    Used Obi-Wan logic on a homeless guy: "Anything can be a home, so you're not homeless, from a certain point of view." Also, he stabbed me.

    • 37
    • FAVS
    JackCojiSanedheenansweet_toofawstenGraceOrGorgonNickadooSurlymotherfuckkjax82
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_popjeffswarensEllyMaeXxXrawryetpoxeyednpainlesstyrhondasaurus
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    Can we all just admit it would SUCK to know somebody who survived the Holocaust because you could never complain about anything, EVER?

    • 38
    • FAVS
    JackCojiSanDJMerraliciousedheenanMelodramagicGraceOrGorgonNickadooBlankety_Amburglar_
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    ClassicMeganJimmyFett
    ClassicMegan
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    If I get to 200 followers today I guarantee I will masturbate. I also guarantee to masturbate if I lose followers. Or if the sun sets.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    JackCojiSanedheenanMelodramagictyrhondasaurusshitjoetypesDithguyAlias1on1Blankety_
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Blankety_WowItsStephenRoWack
  • theedmundwells
      Edmund Wells @theedmundwells

    According to my spam folder I won the UK Lottery and have a small penis with erectile dysfunction. But since I'm rich now it doesn't matter.

    • 37
    • FAVS
    JackCojiSanwheatnikChefBoredRTsedheenanAmburglar_McCPeggyispypandaSpartacunt
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    edheenannotnotck
@theedmundwells

@theedmundwells

Burn on, big river, burn on.