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Best thing about running a marathon? When you cross the finish line the beer tent is within crawling distance #beerrun
Today I found out my boobs weight like 17lbs.... no wonder my back hurts :/
The women u date @duffman06021979: I know you girls like to change shit. What should I change or work on to become more attractive to women?
Dear GPS: fuck you. No, I will not turn left into the concrete barrier. Shut it before I recalculate your face. Thanks
Misinterpreted quote of the day, "he came and I didn't get a chance to finish." Let the blushing commence
The Full Moon Eclipse in your versatile sign raises the volume... More for Gemini http://bit.ly/A9Q3zb
My brain weighs about 3 lbs.... my tits weight about 15 lbs.... evolution sure has granted me with what will get me farther in life
Bed at 5:30am then up at 9:30 unable to fall back asleep. Happy flicking new year
Every day is #tittytuesday for real women... unless you're Keira Knightly.
If I want to stay you in the eye with a spork it may mean that I'm not sure how long this relationship will last. Just maybe
Do not try this at home... unless you have three friends, a dozen socks, a cattle prod, a duck, no shame, and towel. Never forget the towel.
Alright boss so I asked off for new years... it's not like it happens every year or anything.
Licensed massage therapist, bartender, puppy whisperer, writer, international jewel thief, and outdoorswoman extraordinaire
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