Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Next time you think I'm calling you "buddy," think again, butty.
Aquafina bottle = a queef in a bottle.
I hate fake pieces of shit. Like, if you're gonna be a piece of shit, AT LEAST BE A REAL PIECE OF SHIT
“Bob for apples” apparently is not a political campaign
Finnish guys last nice.
Whenever they get my order wrong at a restaurant I slam my fists on the table and scream "I'm in a FUCKING BAND" then I flip that table bro
If I'm sober long enough this weird thing happens where I start to realize I'm a fucking adult.
every time girls talk about "pampering" themselves I just imagine them sitting around in diapers
Made up a word for when you get stoned alone, it’s called getting Stalloned, you guys can use it if you like
SIPPIN ON JUICY JUICE LAID BACK WITH MY MIND ON MY MOMMY AND MY MOMMY ON MY MIND
sext: it's dark, neither of us have genitals but we'll never admit it, I slide a microphone into your PB & J, how long do we do this for?
Tried to convince my 18 year-old cousin that arguing with a 10 year-old is pointless. Then I realized the irony.
Tradition in my family is you gotta fly that turkey around like a kite first, RUN FASTER TIMMY
You must not know 'bout me. You must not know 'bout me. I could have another you in a minute, gimme two water balloons and a hot pocket.