you guys our head skin poops out strings that we nurture as the prettiest things about ourselves

three obamas play mario kart 64. one gets really mad cause his controller doesnt work right

I'm kind of like a rapper, but instead of bitches I have sandwiches. And instead of money, cars and nice booze, I have sandwiches.

SOMEONES JOB IS TO MAKE BABYS SAD

just drank beer while peeing and now the crcle of life song is stuck in my head

assuming that a tv show doesnt want to just wait around for a baby to decide its upset, i guess they hire someone to antagonize the baby

"more like sui-SLIDE" and then i kill myself on a slipnslide made of razorblades

girl i know you got a long as clit but...your balls are huge

ok i'm high on marijuana but here me out

sometimes tv shows have babies on them and the show requires that the baby cries

steve got stoned to death but its ok bc his last moments were spent w pizza and staring at the itunes visualizer

brb transcending human body into a higher form of consciousness. jk eating french fries

A cow is a keg of beef yall

today i am thankful for star trek pez dispensers. its nice to know i can eat candy out of levar burton's neck

WILL PAY A GRANMA TO COME OVER AND MAKE ME LEMONADE **only real grandmaas, mawmaws, and nanas need apply** no meemaws

Noodles are pretty good for being weird wet bread

pregnancy: turns a human person into a house, then a vending machine. worst transformer ever

i am drinking a beer that tastes like spaghetti-o's. i hate life

protip: saying dild me in MY butt is at least 300x funnier than dild me in THe butt

My life is basically the first minute of every infomercial