Apparently someone wanted a refund for the Titanic exhibit today because "they didn't get to see any guns" They thought it was a battleship.

Still happy that I got to experience the irl @rare_basement and @dudehugs fanfic tonight.

All the old people in this bar just started chanting who let the dogs out

"I am an adult!" I think to myself as I struggle with untrapping a strand of my hair from my duffle bag zipper for three subway stops.

@whereisfranklin @achr0i mitt: i put the consession speech in the coat. paul: oh? mitt: I PUT THE COAT ON OBAMA.

@whereisfranklin @achr0i "teach me to ride like a man" "and hew tobacco like a man" "and...and SPIT like a man" "that's appalling, paul"

@aebrownesq @whereisfranklin LIVE SINGLES IN YOUR AREA, FIGHTING CRIME, THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT

i think if lady bofur doesn't work out, i'm going to be Stupid Sexy Flanders for halloween

@whereisfranklin @chthonian ROBOTNIK TOOK MY FRIENDS AND ROBOTISIZED, THEN HE WAS GONE WHEN HIS AIRSHIP CAME

I always make sure to thank Siri for her hard work so that she'll show mercy when the robots rise

started laughing so hard i started crying over watch puns at work and i just cannot figure out how to explain myself and not seem crazy

Wjat is thisb feeling, so sudden and new. I knew the moment I laid eyes on you (bed)

reminder that nic cage beat richard dreyfuss in mr holland's opus for best actor

Had to come home because Darrell Hammond's autobiography was legit making me cry in the middle of applebees.

Attn: @dudehugs: lesliegrope says this is "maths, I won!"  http://instagram.com/p/Xxru43sr3y/ 

 http://wpc.4d27.edgecastcdn.net/004D27/2013/Awards/2013Awards/QuvenzhaneWallisOscars2013GiorgioArmani/Quvenzhane+Wallis+Giorgio+Armani+Oscars+2013+1.jpg … THIS GIRL IS THE CUTEST THING. I can't handle it. omg. That purse.

ALT- COLOR SHIRTWATCH ON MODERN FAMILY

A twist we'll never see coming? In a Nicolas Sparks movie? I don't believe you, abc family preview.

basically spent the last two hours reading @bunnifluezl's shoutbox and trying desperately not to lol at work

baby when the lights go out every single word cannot express HOW HILARIOUS THIS IS.