I know I'm a woman because I was in a great mood and now I'm in a shitty mood and it is every man's fault everywhere on the planet.

When my therapist starts taking notes during therapy I imagine she's writing "This bitch cant be saved".

I'm now obsessed with favstar. I got star fucked a few times today. I just hope I don't scream out "Oh favstar!" when I touch myself later.

You know when all you want is to be bent over, spanked, shackled and treated like the dirty little sex freak that you are? Yeah, that.

Note to self when you see a fugly chick with a baby it's not appropriate to say omg how did you find someone willing to knock you up outloud

I always wanted my superpower to be the ability to read people's minds.

And then I met you guys.

Twitter path to success: talk about sex, boobs, pussy, cock, masturbation, and favstar. Combine all topics in one tweet for ToTD.

Whenever I have a tweet with more than 5 stars I think of how my parents said I'd never succeed in life. Bet they feel like idots now.

Some people say only crazy people talk to themselves. I say I'm talking to the most intelligent people I know.

Took my oral french final today and got 100% Apparently I'm a rockstar at things going in AND out of my mouth. Go me!

Wake, bake and masturbate!

Application: Why do you want to work for us?

Do you think saying "Because I need a fucking job" will work?

I like where your head is. ~Said by every man to the woman blowing them.

You're a good fuck. ~Said to me. By me. About me.




Related: I just masturbated.

So what the hell do happy and/or sexually satisfied people tweet about?

Kiss me.
Kiss me hard.
Kiss me often.
Kiss me here.
Kiss me there.
Oh god PLEASE kiss me there.

For the amount of money I just spent on a few bags of groceries a good pussy licking should have been included.

I thought about cutting back on weed. Clearly insanity has fully set in. Now I need to smoke more weed to treat this problem. Its tragic.

I'd give my left nut for him to give me some dick right now But since I don't have nuts maybe I should offer up my mouth instead. Might work

So I hear Favstar tried to Twittercide today.