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  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    Hey Amish person reading this: Busted.

    • 164
    • FAVS
    CleverLinguistsnarkninjakev_dawg_partiallyproFirawesomeRichMeaderVividJamerWiley_by_birth
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    RichMeaderWITIZZLE______DartingMittpretzels_CrzySeed__________TheSlothAnt______THAT_AdamWRainbowAshes
    dru0887
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    Hey I just met you
    And this is crazy
    I have Alzheimer's.

    Hey I just met you

    • 120
    • FAVS
    TheTennisPhenomLpInTheD__________splinter295______HysteriaBarbie_odlanyeRathenasladCognitive_DissIvsy01
    • 108
    • RETWEETS
    athenasladIvsy01SeikenUchimannietweetsJoanOfSnark9favstar1000favskev_dawg_RichMeader
    scrirc____________partiallyproKevinDeanGander
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    A pessimist is always alone. An optimist is just two people away from a threesome.

    • 147
    • FAVS
    CleverLinguistsnarkninjaLaffingGUYOmarKhanNYkev_dawg_partiallyproFirawesomeRichMeader
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    RichMeaderOldSawhorse______nottatsmartmahatmatweeterMiss_take_meWahwahbooboKa696_MELLOkamtweeting
    bdbdleeroybrown
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    Optimus has 7 letters in it. 7 is a prime number. Therefore Optimus is Prime.







    Fuck, I need to get laid.

    • 111
    • FAVS
    CleverLinguistJesseLeducOmarKhanNYExploringUrMind__J_ckkMaxStraubSarcasmo718Sab3awyJr
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    Ed_TheMagicianTherealnadia22suraagsubhedarRonLeFleurMaxStraubTLindsay77loon245tarynfarmgirl
    _correctomundo
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    Dyslexia turns me no.

    • 88
    • FAVS
    CleverLinguistLaffingGUYExploringUrMind__kev_dawg_saraburzyKeinyoWhite______KelseighPimpson__leau______________
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    whiteboywaztedaedlolzisiah_barber1mcboston91kellyrozalolMcRikeritsmynewlifenow__SpillsInn
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    Phones get thinner and smarter while humans get fatter and dumber.

    • 89
    • FAVS
    CleverLinguistsnarkninjakev_dawg_Wiley_by_birthMish3l_AliMindBytesdarrendanykkamtweeting
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    SamSoul_indonesianidlesmart_monkey_DeKofallspicebabynursemckendrick__peeskooroxyroxshow
    Voiceofgarth
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    If James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman tickled each other, the sound of their laughter would cure at least one type of cancer.

    • 68
    • FAVS
    CleverLinguistExploringUrMind__Shock_Monster__ThatMannFreeWhat_the_waSleeplessNTulsa__TheRealMattCbybeautydamned
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    HydeNOseekTackyJackie_DanielTh0rnekennaclesTinaTasselsnsbrwtttmattr_murraySardonic_Smile
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    My life has pretty much gone downhill ever since I stopped making blanket forts.

    • 90
    • FAVS
    ExploringUrMind__Wiley_by_birthCleverRican______hooleeaalliejane_508StanfordHoward____Dompocalyptismgiraffeinatank
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    CleverRican______SkyMahshullhooleeakenziekriccagiraffeinatankmcboston91Randy_was_hereIammadison
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    If I had 10 chocolate cakes and someone asked me for one, how many would I have left? That's right, 10.

    • 57
    • FAVS
    ExploringUrMind__LizMellowSarahKhalil13SandwichZombiedeathinvegaCleverRican______Shayla_PowersDompocalyptism
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    MoeWKabliCleverRican______AprilTheclaFavstar500FavsRandy_was_herekamtweetingFeekeyOSSAlanR
    jeffswarens
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    Not impressed with Jesus being able to turn water into wine. I know for a fact Russians can turn potatoes into vodka.

    • 66
    • FAVS
    The_Dorkster______JCBNElesfauxleegoramjonmichael__kenimoraiFant0mKobbejaegerCleverLinguist
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    lesfauxleedariann_copellaperdillChicagoDeanoiFant0mbabygirlcocaineCleverLinguistnottatsmart
    chopper4jk
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    I'm afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    snarkninjaMaiaMamacitadubbage42Falsedragonheadclick4amandaLynLeLkatniiipthe_wolf_mans
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    ElainaJCarrelldubbage42click4amandakatniiipCool_Jesselanpaje__bbwitchqueenKustomKolors
    jeffswarens
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    I have too many jokes about unemployed people but none of them really work .......

    • 54
    • FAVS
    CleverLinguistDailynSantanabrammercatRandy_was_hereSumReecesPieces__dysalexiagiraffeinatankkamtweeting
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    MoeWKablicarole_afmahatmatweeterFavstar500FavsgiraffeinatankkamtweetingnoirekaCleverRican______
    dru0887
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.

    • 45
    • FAVS
    CleverLinguistKDsMorningcmeghanwelchVampiliciousXo__shawnac91juicymorselLipstickSpicethebloodclot
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    elliephantasticJBlanchfieldExploringUrMind__stumblechuckRubaShishaBrian_Akademik____Ah_kee_oh________flickeringfox____
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    You know what would be fun? Grabbing a little girl by the shoulders and screaming, "I'm you from the future!"

    • 31
    • FAVS
    jakob_huberMKambarjiColonialOutcastkandibomberAfa_GzomgitsalyGhaliasaliroxyroxshow
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    MKambarjimchlmzl__kandibomberAlterStephMORAbLUElolitslaurenGhaliasaliroxyroxshow
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    If there's one thing I've learned from my parents' marriage, it's that one person is always right and the other one is the husband.

    • 38
    • FAVS
    blondfellainiGoddamnDelightFeliciovskamtweetingICagbanusiJoeP187FarFromFunnyVoiceofgarth
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    RubaShishaAmrientVaguelyCrassTheyCallMeMeemikamtweetingKevinDeanGanderLordOfGummies____favstar_pop
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    You can always tell a lot about a driver just by the location of their car. For example, if it's in a ditch, it's an Asian woman.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    brammercatSumReecesPieces__dysalexiakamtweetingICagbanusiJoeP187FarFromFunnyVoiceofgarth
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    mahatmatweeterkamtweetingdavidcjacksBurgee66__________BeccaRubaJohn_on_lakelepaTnavIlexxieviolin
    Burgee66__________
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    What doesn't kill you will make you drink stronger liquor.

    • 30
    • FAVS
    byronblurbkeiishaxojessicah0urigan__frostbyte987xXInterceptorXxtripdIVunibrowbeaterJoanLivingbig
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    RubaShishaxXInterceptorXxnoturunklarisasaysAh_kee_oh________ellie0sHanadiFakhryMyLoveGoesDown____
    VividJamer
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    Hey guys, your dick isn't like Pinocchio's nose. It doesn't grow every time you lie.

    • 38
    • FAVS
    cherry__tart__RubaShishabizarre3anglesFeliciovskamtweetingICagbanusiJoeP187jeffswarens
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    LaChicaIndecisaRubaShishaBanooraahanazag__________kamtweetingjeffswarenslainycole________KKtheprincess
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    I'm sorry. You seem to have mistaken me for a woman who will take your shit. 

    • 22
    • FAVS
    sistersurfUghMehUgh________mchlmzl__nayabfayazKobbejaegerIBreakHips________GoddessLadyPem2the_gee
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    heymanishaNitapinkLadyDangerfield__DANkkk_AShLEy__IBreakHips________MissTrouble19____AyaRefaiem2the_gee
  • thekatvonb
      Kat @thekatvonb

    Shouldn't 911 have a texting service? Just in case I'm hiding from a serial killer and can't talk?

    • 23
    • FAVS
    MKambarjiameo02ssholex__________FeliciovsCherry_xxoSTUPIDiesmfa_sad___________ohhh_KG
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    MKambarjimchlmzl__W_ZamzamiRubaShishaSr2a_AKthe__psychopathArabAnticsGhadaJoharji
@thekatvonb

@thekatvonb

hockey has my heart. so do star wars and pizza subs. instagram: thekatvonb