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Apparently one of my favourite romantic sex positions is the 96. That's where you sleep with your backs to each other and never speak again.
Sometimes my mom says she's smarter than me, but who's living rent free in whose house and who's eating all whose groceries?
It's important to remember there are more people helping the victims than there are people creating the victims.
Salvador Dali was cuckoo for Coco Puffs because, you know, cerealism.
I wish I had Jamie Lee Curtis's breezy "I'm here to help you poop" confidence.
Life is like Hamlet: high school kids don't understand it and everyone ends up dead.
"I wish I could answer phone calls with my Walkman." -Steve Jobs in the 80's
I'm at @sephora trying to become beautiful and this guy in a green Speedo is farting aggressively while locking eyes with the counter girls.
I'll agree that "responsible gun ownership" is possible if you'll agree that everyone's access to mental health should be federally funded.
Don't be a dick to people. Don't hit them, don't call them hateful names, don't control them. It's really that easy.
A one-man sea of love.
