Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I'm initiating a hostile takeover. In my pants.
Gonna be a total fucking badass and RT things that ARE endorsements.
First name, Jacqueline. Last name, Carbajal. (I don't understand this joke format)
I should not watch Dr. Who before bed. So much adrenaline pumping thru me, there's no way I can fall asleep!
It's simply not fair that insomnia doesn't aid weight loss. It's like fasting, but for your brains.
"They should make marijuana legal and free, BUT CHARGE FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR ROLLING PAPERS!" - the "Chris Rock" of sober comedy.
You bastards you crashed it
guys, there was a little bug swimming in my cheerio milk. and i just picked him out and kept on eating because i am a grown up now.
I'd go to bed, but then who would be here to bravely battle the night panics?
Hey punks, Carrie Brownstein did an American Express ad, so we can do anything! I'm not even making fun of her. I mean it.