ALL THE LORD YOUR GOD DID WAS CREATE, YOU KNOW, *EVERYTHING*. BUT GOOGLE PUTS PACMAN UP ON ITS SITE AND ALL THE MONKEYS ARE ALL OOOOO, NEATO

DELAYING UPGRADE TO UNIVERSE 2.0.

THE LORD YOUR GOD LIKES MUSLIMS AS MUCH AS THE LORD YOUR GOD LIKES ANY OF YOU SAD CELLULAR SACKS OF WATER AND HATE

AS A REGISTERED USER, YOU QUALIFY FOR A FREE UPGRADE TO UNIVERSE 2.0 THIS SATURDAY. UPGRADING IS COMPULSORY

AND LO, BETTY WHITE DID EMERGE FROM THE SANCTIFYING FIRES AND DECLARED, "BEHOLD, I AM THE ONE! WHAT NEXT, BITCHES?"

SERIOUSLY: THE LORD YOUR GOD IS BEYOND SEX AND SEXUALITY AND OTHER SUCH DETAILS. SUCK ON ANYTHING YOU WANT FOR ALL THE LORD YOUR GOD CARES.

THE LORD YOUR GOD GAVE YOU THE SECOND COMING BUT YOU DIDN'T EMBRACE BILLY MAYS. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN? THE LORD YOUR GOD IS A CONSUMER GOD

DOG KILLERS DON'T GO TO HEAVEN OR SUPER BOWLS

THE LORD YOUR GOD HATES YOUR CLEVER MEME. THE LORD YOUR GOD HATES STALE CINNAMON TWISTS. THE LORD YOUR GOD IS GOING TO YELL IN A MINUTE.

YES. YOUR [INSERT RANDOM SETBACK HERE] DOES MEAN THE LORD YOUR GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU. KNOW WHY? BECAUSE YOU'RE -- HEE HEE -- "SPECIAL." HA

IF THE LORD YOUR GOD WERE AGAINST GAY LOVIN', THE LORD YOUR GOD WOULDN'T HAVE INCLUDED THE EXTRA INPUTS

IF YOU WONDER WHY CHICKS DIG NERDS AND NOT DWEEBS, REMEMBER THAT THE LORD YOUR GOD IS A CODER, NOT A WORLD-OF-WARCRAFT GOOF. ALSO? MONEY

IT IS HARD TO CHECK INTO FOURSQUARE WHEN YOU'RE EVERYWHERE AT ONCE

IF FACEBOOK'S FACELIFT PISSED YOU OFF, JUST WAIT UNTIL THE LORD YOUR GOD RELEASES UNIVERSE 2.0!

MARRIAGE INDEED IS A SACRED INSTITUTION THAT... THAT... BWA HA HA SORRY, SORRY... HOOOOOOO BOY... SOMETIMES... BOY...

"PLEASE HOLD. YOUR PRAYER IS IMPORTANT TO THE LORD YOUR GOD. EXPECTED WAIT TIME TO SPEAK WITH A REPRESENTATIVE IS. 30. THOUSAND. YEARS."

HUMANITY 2.0 SOFTWARE WILL BE RELEASED BEFORE HUMAN2 HARDWARE, SO YOU OUTDATED APES MAY HAVE URGES AND DRIVES YOU CAN'T FULFILL. LIKE HOPE

THE LORD YOUR GOD SHOULD NOT HAVE TO STAND IN LINE FOR CRISPY TACOS. THE LORD YOUR GOD IS JUST SAYING.

WHAT THE LORD YOUR GOD THINKS IS YOU SHOULD SHUT THE HELL UP

DANTE DID NOT KNOW HOW MANY MORE LEVELS OF HELL THERE ARE, BUT YOU WILL, MR. SERVING-THE-LORD-YOUR-GOD-DECAF BARISTA