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Pizza places with 'Papa' in the name...it's like you see straight through my daddy issues & into my soul.
Oh nothing. Just convincing myself these pants don't fit because I have on thick underwear.
Found half of a container of Tang & a paintbrush in my bathtub, but learned not to ask questions after the jello pudding mix & switchblade.
I went to McDonalds twice today, so yeah, I'm into S&M.
I'm so bored I'd sext a weather alert.
Spelled my own name wrong 3 times in an email. A head wound would be an easy sell. I'm gonna raid the first aid kit & fake confused.
I went to Walmart in a skort today. You should probably fear my next move.
Taco pizza is as close to having your cake & eating it too that you will ever come.
I live with someone who bought citrus flavored toothpaste. That should explain completely why I need twitter.
My child has a written manifesto regarding sampling every sno cone flavor available & fireworks usage. I'm clearly quite the role model.
My ironic Dollywood tshirt is lost on this town wide garage sale crowd.
I have to help someone move so I'm gonna need you to help me burn all of my own possessions as soon as I'm done.
That's right. I make Spongebob jokes while eating Applebee's on Friday nights. It's the path my life has taken, & I've chosen to embrace it.
I was involved in an escalator accident today. No eels were harmed.
I was photographed with a prince, but not the artist formerly known as, & a llama spit on me...but not on the same day. That would be weird. 18+