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If Elijah Wood grew his hair long we wouldn't even need Zooey Deschanel anymore.
Gorgeous new co-worker said hi to me today and I blurted out, "Hakuna matata, young lady!" Then I tipped my invisible hat. Fuck.
I almost got beat up every day for having my “A League of Their Own” lunchbox, but I knew if the shit went down, Rosie would have my back.
If someone told you that Michael Cera's mom still breastfeeds him; would you even question it?
Halloween 2005 I dressed up as that huge white flying dog from The NeverEnding Story and everyone thought I was Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Would I date a woman who doesn't carry a bottle of ranch in her purse at all times? At this point in my life, no, I really don't think so.
If Elijah Wood and a six-month-old puppy were sitting together on a couch it'd take me at least two minutes to decide who to pet first
When I was a kid, I thought a cinematographer was the person who took pictures of cinnamon buns for cook books and baking magazines.
I just asked out the clerk at Blockbuster. She turned me down so I went across the street and finger-banged a Redbox to make her jealous.
Why do guys in porn movies always scream out that they *think* they’re gonna cum? You fuck professionally and still don’t know for sure?
Elijah Wood and Zooey Deschanel would make a baby so adorable it'd literally be invisible to the human eye.
Thought I saw Zooey Deschanel doing aerobics in the woods behind my house but it was just a fawn galloping around.
In my 2nd grade talent show I just wrote EDWARD on my forehead and did air scissors with my hands for like five minutes
Serious question for actors: Would you trade eyelids with Forest Whitaker for his acting career?
Told my gorgeous co-worker that her hair looks fierce today and after lunch she was wearing a hat and packing up her desk.
The fact that Michael Cera hasn't played Peter Pan in a movie is completely unfathomable to me.
I have 482 movies in my Netflix instant queue but I only watch videos of babies eating lemons on YouTube.
Her: I love the place overall but what's with the JTT poster? Me: Get out of my room and off of my property.
There are teenagers out there who don't even know Justin Timberlake used to do music and had ramen hair.
When I was a kid, I thought a cinematographer was the person who took pictures of cinnamon buns for cookbooks and baking magazines.
