um, hey NFL we the paying customers want football in the fall so get your heads out of your asses and fix it.

If I could just shit regularly I could prob drop 10 pounds... Gawd.

I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

Am I the only one who doesn't give two shits about beyonce being prego, woo u have a vag...

JuSt decided today at age 46 that excercise can go fuck itself, well at Least for today! I think I will go have a twinkie to celebrate!

hello sir... yeah sorry those don't talk you will have to look up.

release the craken, me to the hub

I'm thinking about becoming a male prostitute... aw shit I am a girl.

Don't u hate it when a guy has a bigger vag than his girlfriend...

A little nauseous from my Pain meds but the mac and cheese sure tasted good coming back up...

I am not sure if I pissed my pants or it is just sweat... Oh well sigh.

A beer bong up the ass, totally not the way to go...

Last time I checked tying ur hubby to the bed, chopping off his dick and running it through the disposal was NOT foreplay...

ew, his six pack abs are too six packy - said NO woman ever!

turn that frown upside down and lick me like an ice cream cone...

#FF @pinchsuckblow, @saraespivey , @nicfit75 , @thatchadritter , @hmcpherson17 do yourself a favor, peeps are funny.

Awesome life motto: life's like a shit sandwich, the more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.

whoop there it is... me pointing to that girls ass crack and singing loudly...

So when u lose weight I guess u are supposed to BRAG about it so all ur friends feel fat...

toooo much uv and diet mt. dew last night, I am having a hard time this morning but blue vomit is soooo pretty.