Things are getting pretty serious in Atlanta. @fakedanuggla pic.twitter.com/IKKl1zdJtr

Yo mama so fat, she's the size of this ump's strike zone. @fakedanuggla

Whatever, still hot. @fakedanuggla

Liquor before beer, you're in the clear. Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, dead.

I had enough time to go to Chick-fil-a but now I've got a ballin parking spot in West Deck and don't want to leave. @ksawproblems

My rationalization for why I'm single is that guys are scared to text me & have me copy-edit them. #Optimistic @journalistslike

I wish #occupy protestors would make a fuss about a change we really need, like no more Nickelback ever. #changewecanhopefor

I'm on that good book and adderall. @shitiseeatksu

I'M GOING TO JIMMY BUFFET ON TUESDAY! I could cry from happiness!

For those of you hating on Macklemore's music, remember he's got a broken keyboard.

Mesothelioma must be a disease you only get if you watch a lot of day time TV.

How do you say "please have my baseball babies" in Spanish? #MVPeña @fakedanuggla

@aaronchewning Highlands in Kennesaw! Every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday! haha

I wouldn't go to Coachella even if it were in my living room.

Lily Pulitzer.
Margaret Thatcher.
Annette Funicello.
This is not ok.

Sucks to be Yu.
Yu blew it.
Yu were so close.
#puns

If you ever get a pitbull, name it Mr. Worldwide. You'll be crowned "The Funniest" and you'll get lots of high fives.

I lose a lot of sleep at night over the fact that @annakendrick47 and I aren't best friends yet.

Braves fans! Check out @aaronchewning's sick new music video for the 2013 season! @braves  http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=Fj-PAQ6EIrk&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DFj-PAQ6EIrk … #ChopTilWeDrop

We're watching the "Are We Sluts" episode of Sex In The City, in case anyone is wondering why I'm a media studies major. @shitiseeatksu