@deadmau5 He's Just Not That Into Howard Stern's Private Parts.

#Ticketmaster: $20 ticket + $10.50 convenience charge. More than 50% of the ticket price. Seriously, DIE IN A FIRE TICKETMASTER. #FUCKYOU

@thenardvark what if it's stretched so tight all you can see is the 'i'?

Son of a FUCK.

“@theonion: Pregnant Woman Relieved To Learn Her Rape Was Illegitimate http://t.co/NtTQwknO” -- well played, Onion.

@dynamofire This is america, you can blame things on whatever you want! :D #freedomisntfree #americafuckyeah

To anyone who got laid off today: I feel for you. Here's a pic of me in my underwear drinking a Capri Sun: http://t.co/0wLcNZFd

@robdelaney Click the event,clips load, drag selection of the clip you want in the video, drag it to the work area. Press space to preview.

I wonder how many times Mitt Romney has masturbated to that scene where they strike oil in There Will Be Blood.

@elibraden I love you.

@omgidothistoo This account is called 'omgidothistoo.' Who the hell uses http://t.co/y9nnyzEO anytime after 2005?

@youranonnews Because that worked _so well_ for Egypt..

@abajrushi dude, the Wordpress app is free and amazing! I use it all the time. I've actually written huge articles while on the john.