@theresa_lauren's (Theresa) most faved Tweets...
Flirted with a cute CVS cashier. My smile said "I'm available." The triple pack of maxi pads I bought said "I'm not pregnant."
Nailed it.
Nailed it.
If my friends really cared about me, they'd accept me for who I am: an antisocial homebody who never wants to spend time with them.
How do men keep track of how long it's been since they've had a date? I mean, women can just measure their leg hair.
I'm not worried. I have faith that one day, I'll meet a man who finds crippling insecurity and social ineptitude just darling.
Sometimes I feel pretty accomplished. Then I remember how often I have to sing myself the alphabet song.
I better not hear any Christmas music at the mall tomorrow. If I do, so help me, I will bop my head and sing along with such anger.
I really want a signature scent. Anyone know of a perfume that captures the essence of wasted potential? And lilacs?
I just found $20 under my bed! My god, my room is so desperate to be cleaned, it's paying me. THE PLAN WORKED.
At my apartment, we play The Floor is Covered in Lava every day! Except the lava is laundry. And you can step on it.
I used to be an art major. Then I became an English major. Now I'm in library school. Maybe I'm allergic to financial security.
I've entered the "Cries at Geico commercials" phase of PMS. Those poor cavemen have been through so much.
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