@therobotarmy's (1000's of robots) most faved Tweets...
The barista with the mustache just hit on me. She's nice and all, and she has mad brewing skills, but I don't have my coffee goggles on yet.
9 shots of hooch later, and you still look like a whore. A cute whore. A whore that MIGHT want to go home with me. And not charge me.
9
I'm actually thinking about making this serving of lasagna my bitch today.
Soonish.
In other news, this lasagna is totally my bitch.
Soonish.
In other news, this lasagna is totally my bitch.
9
I'm diligently working to make myself undelicious just in case of a zombie apocalypse. Or bear attack. It's all in the seasoning.
9
Overheard in the office: Someone got the business end of the anus on that one. I hope they weren't talking about me.
8
Just tried to star one of my co-worker's verbal comments. It mostly involved me throwing a bottle of Goldschlager at his face.
8
Just found a severed horse head in my bed. I guess I pissed someone off NO WAIT. It's just a puppy head. I remember last night, now. Whew.
8
My cat: "Meow." Me: "I will turn you into a nice handbag or some snazzy shoes." Cat: " " Me: "Make me some coffee, bitch." Cat: " " Me: " "
8
It's Friday and I'm ready to get fu WAIT. Not Friday. Great. Now I'm sad. I'm going to find an old person and push them down.
8
Every time I do laundry, my cat looks at me like I'm stupid. But I'm not. He's stupid. Because I'm wearing pants and he's n
7
A Note to Those Using the Internet: Kids do not understand your "Unwarranted Fellatio" Halloween costume. Make adjustments where necessary.
7
Halloween at work day. If it weren't for all the snow and the stalkers, I would totally wear just my bathrobe. Sigh. Al Roker mask it is.
6
Subway was so crowded this morning that a woman practically sat on my lap. Wait. I don't ride the subway. Where the hell was I?
6
Thinking about asking the Fail Whale to make out with me, as I see her more than I see any of you, and you've all said no already.
6
Some tool in my office just started playing the theme from Three's Company real loud on his computer, then started dancing. I'm such a dick.
6
Just devoured a bag of baby lettuces. I feel a little bad, but they were delicious. They tasted better than the baby seals I ate earlier.
6
There are reasons that I can't go out into the rain. 1st, I'm a Mogwai. 2nd, wait, do you really need a 2nd?
6
You know what's a great word? Taint. Used in a sentence: I put my taint on the cottage cheese again in an effort to break the internet.
5
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