@jsopio A big Thank You to the JSO Officer who payed for my meal in the drive-thru today. What a great example of public service!

”No power of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hand.”

I just used our wedding seating chart as a bargaining chip at work. ''There's an open seat next to you. I can be very kind or very cruel.''

I hope I never have to explain Groundhog Day to a foreigner.

I guess God was in an acoustic mood this morning.

@thwg247 Now you get to to savor 4 more months of not having sex.

ASV: Alabama Standard Version. Every chapter ends with ''Thus sayeth the Lord Roll Tide.''

@fakegeorgiatech This Reese's Cup. #BetterThanGroh http://t.co/xcQNoiBj

It's been 43 years since man first set foot on the moon, but we still haven't figured out how to un-send a text message.

The thing about ”America's Got Talent” is that America doesn't.

"@babyanimalpics: cuteness overload pic.twitter.com/9vX1ezeQQ2" HOW DO I GET ONE?

@emclemons Uhhh, didn't know that was a thing.

I'm going to be 1000% more productive at work after the wedding.

. @emclemons just explained ovulation to me using slices of pizza. What I took away: when she ovulates, I get pizza. #WeddingPlanning #tmi

@emclemons No one cares.

''Follow us at AT [Twitter name].'' -Companies I won't be following

14 people stabbed in mass stabbing at Lone Star Community College in Texas. Maybe guns aren't the problem.

''The toilet paper goes IN FRONT of the roll.'' -Lesser known rule of Fight Club

Talk radio is pretty cool for it being someone reading the internet to you.

I literally texted @emclemons today so that she would know I loved her if I got blown up. Shippin ain't easy.