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  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job

    • 5,029
    • FAVS
    alexisshannon_Social_Mimejaelco26heartlesslieLaurburTeaBeaPeaadanzqueenKassandraAyala
    • 3,974
    • RETWEETS
    Social_MimeheartlesslieLaurburadanzqueenT_BonezzzsuziqkelleyGeauxSaints79DadandBuried
    BeagirlNJBoozieEyedJoeChymeNewsGroperClevelandDonnie_FairburnPlaying_DadJB_4_RealzheatherjsReverend_ScottmichowlPaperWashMichaelLarrickJohnBlackNowDuke1173ExitThaWarriorArrowsOfTheSunvelvettuskWhiskeySoured__PortRooster__PostedandBeamedrevenge_tanukisWildeThingybbast6CuddleMyHeart____LizWhatsherfaceKalvinMacleodHollyMemphisspekulationSeanX3OliverGuardDog__
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A threesome? Nah not for me. If I wanted to horribly disappoint two other people I'd go out to dinner with my parents

    • 4,701
    • FAVS
    Corey814adanzqueen3JackBogeyT_BonezzzPunitivityGeauxSaints79DTelflucidchemistry
    • 3,409
    • RETWEETS
    adanzqueen3JackBogeyT_BonezzzGeauxSaints79lucidchemistryAndDesistpencouragedrunktweets81
    Moi_RaRasmilely_galWindPushedGrassgvicksjifdendekkeAngryKoalaFruitJVarsityCaptainDani_FeldSavage_ScavangeNorthside_MikeNinjaFuneral______SoapyJohnsonArrowsOfTheSunThunder_Fart______ericonederfulRyncasaurusVillageShadow____MrsJekyllsHydetor_92_vPoliticallyILL1demented_Ashsamboriffickrissyerased______JorDAMN_SteveSuckingtonStrugglesBGbbDonnie_FairburnDBMaxPMatt_The_1stallisulliSwishergirl24
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Exclamation point rules

    ! - good
    !! - excited
    !!! - awesome
    !!!! - starting to get creepy
    !!!!! - cheerleader creepy
    !!!!!! - own 20 cats

    • 3,479
    • FAVS
    ElminsterXadanzqueenT_BonezzzLittleLostPixieDadandBuriedTheRealRHBAndDesistdrunktweets81
    • 3,525
    • RETWEETS
    adanzqueenT_BonezzzmaidilmLittleLostPixieDankaSofiaDadandBuriedTheRealRHBAndDesist
    MikeZakarianuseful_wagon______llvvzzZatvomanConcernedSirGuyEmileeCaroNolaChef5041800RandygingerfaceddafloydstaI_Mee_Myself_SCBamaManShaunRightNowgrimpossibleBeagleEars406__Northside_Mikejeffreyvanclea1turndownfornapsSenorbrianMd
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    *Pull

    *Pull

    *Pull

    FUCK

    *Pull

    *Pull

    *Pull

    FUCK

    Me trying to turn off a ceiling fan

    • 3,543
    • FAVS
    wicce_podgeCLOheadUDSSocial_Mimemalford65GeauxSaints79LittleLostPixielaura_eurichnaggalie
    • 2,161
    • RETWEETS
    CLOheadUDSscottsbeardSilkenSoulSocial_MimeGeauxSaints79ButtsMcFagTheRealRHBJumbledButts
    1bastardangelJosesLovesYouPetPinkElephantHarbinger_oneJamesonN7pbear79hipchkkkodeeezzzymediocregeeRappaRickGrumpyBahrXplodingUnicornGoofpoopsLindaInDisguiseDouchekevin
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment

    • 2,905
    • FAVS
    punmagnateHazmatstaybackInyourtrunksecretdonkeygettingstabbedTheDillestEriciAmDelFreakyMrDelFreaky
    • 2,124
    • RETWEETS
    Unlucky_NinjaHazmatstaybackInyourtrunkiAmDelFreakyMrDelFreakySteveInevitableJLeezy818gaynorlsimpson
    SubPsychee__MrJeremyHornArroiaBlondAmbitionTOThunder_Fart______felixosheaDudeImShawnNicholey23GeminiJewJVarsityCaptainStevie_TalktylerisajokeTeowulfBarbz88Aredubbleyou______Shock_Monster__OreoSpeedwagon_Twisted_Mettlemahatmatweeteryou_can_touch____TheMongoose69iMikosnychmmthereiheartguntsToneLoOnTheGoleslid79__________bitchkrieg________HairyJew4LifeJohnny_Redonzo
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    My cell phone battery dies quicker than a mother in a Disney movie

    • 2,771
    • FAVS
    OutOnTheMoorslucidchemistrySebastianTrappleaenawBubuHose_Mondenkind_der_doktor_Mofatempler
    • 1,980
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorslucidchemistryZirkusdoktorinTheRealRHB_w0lfyJacksawyerrhazelmotes123_freckles
    Donnie_FairburnDanielRCarrilloBazarComedyJessObsessPlaying_DadjjwhalesshegotagronkbigmacheriAmJuddybelleahhWonderMonkey78MyFairCharityThe_MentalystGhostOfATrophy____BlACk__ThRoaTTaylormatronicsRyncasaurusPsycholane
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    My son asked me what divorce was so I took half of his toys and when he started crying I took all of his money.

    • 2,471
    • FAVS
    DilemmaEmmaEmmaketchedlisaxy424DarkntwistdAstrudGilberto2stephshipeklertcarelessnikki
    • 2,269
    • RETWEETS
    stephshipepnwildflowerCreamed_potatofrankiebeans696TheMichaelRockJohnBechardRandiii__hipnhope
    BradBroaddusnewstart43Social_MimeVFlorrrVintageBabe1212McChucklenutsDouchekevinPlaying_DadDonnie_FairburnPaperWashericsshadowarmyVet1972shwebby3StarksWeek__
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Life's a piano and I'm wearing boxing gloves

    • 2,500
    • FAVS
    siempredelilahESSparklesDailyrutesperanzaRachelnoiseNataleeDararosegalv7FknVancouverMr57percent
    • 2,169
    • RETWEETS
    rutesperanzarosegalv7Mr57percentanyltheghosthipnhopearjun697thedeadsquidTheRealRHB
    r_wolfcastlejunkyardiganM3lissaMcDonaldstanleybehrmanaKhalifa101samborifficContradictEgo__Petotedapptrapmdob11iresurfvced__VaDawn13
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Stages of Twitter

    1) Follow celebrities
    2) Follow funny people
    3) Unfollow celebrities
    4) Realize you married the wrong person
    5) Die alone

    • 2,682
    • FAVS
    hipnhopehitgirl516heatherjsGeauxSaints79jrstandsupleahlovescheezttherateofNolaChef504
    • 1,752
    • RETWEETS
    hipnhopeheatherjsOnceUgoMackleahlovescheezNolaChef504dr100raBHargavaDutch_Notchnicfit75
    GoneInTheMornthexytharaHiddleDeeDeemjkspeaksCrunch11bSufficientCharmGoldishocksMouthOfSass__mindintheshadow__
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Some ugly person just called me shallow

    • 2,781
    • FAVS
    dougbiesCLOheadUDSconchita_marthalaura_eurichSocial_MimeEarnieMacIntireGodBlessAchoochristank2__
    • 1,647
    • RETWEETS
    dougbiesCLOheadUDSconchita_marthaSocial_MimeEarnieMacIntireDonna_McCoychristank2__CynchMoore
    candace_9871mysteryteacher
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes

    • 2,456
    • FAVS
    Adar79AngieTheChallssiddo471cosminautdebon7HASDaysTheSuperParentsDadandBuried
    • 1,803
    • RETWEETS
    iloveskyrim71debon7_Tempo11heatherjsTheRealRHBVenisValdontwrryowlwaitDonnie_Fairburn
    Dishy2101juneohara65jimmy_sharpeThrill_TweeterjeannerbeanerBCSkimaneesa_pDallaniHollyMemphislawyerthoughtsSonofConwayBigBob24266______
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    If you scan a barbwire tattoo at Walmart it unlocks a secret door to a room where hobos fight to the death for Toby Keith CDs

    • 2,395
    • FAVS
    ElminsterXbeefman138skellingtonbabygsaenz597R1CC1Kmcibtyarcherenemymoodtooth
    • 1,767
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138jelenaa1389skellingtonbabygsaenz597archerenemymoodtoothMr_KapowskiCharlotte0907
    SparkCityComedyBeagirlNJibid78rickkondell1BigMickBazarComedyLama911Gobshite_huntigulaDallani
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The true beauty of Twitter is when you read a tweet and think holy fuck I'm not the only one

    • 2,299
    • FAVS
    hipnhopeTheRealRHBStaceyShortcakeBrokeBaldiheartguntsArbitralArmymatt22Ms_Wind
    • 1,735
    • RETWEETS
    anyltheghosthipnhopekourtneelynneLilMumma3454IAmSaidWhiskeybeefman138gsaenz597Cdn_BeauTee__
    cocainemigraineWaterfallFrozenOldUncleDaveOwhathaveu1________The_Sculptresscloudybones__
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Getting drunk is like having a 3rd base coach that waves you on no matter what

    • 2,400
    • FAVS
    kasiomartinlisaxy424InThaBurbslombardom7007rachel2manypawshispanicmathmanberger2323rynomite1999
    • 1,624
    • RETWEETS
    InThaBurbshispanicmathmanrynomite1999Elizasoul80fishy_smellsTheRealRHBcaseytduncanDonnie_Fairburn
    alldrolleduparmyantstudiosDranoRaulpeachey_keenAdWoodyardREALityDUMBBazarComedySteveSuckingtonReverend_ScottRaoul_Duke_71LindaInDisguiseLookAwayMomDadmisterbrymo
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Dad - Hi
    Me - Hi
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad - You want to talk to Mom?

    Every phone conversation I've ever had with my Dad

    • 2,197
    • FAVS
    hipnhopeheatherjskimberlyfeismeGeauxSaints79TheRealRHBxxxadryxxx_taroism_ItsAnnieHunny
    • 1,304
    • RETWEETS
    anyltheghosthipnhopeGeauxSaints79TheRealRHBItsAnnieHunnyvalerie_tosialarum01jiffypops97
    JamesonN7nerdculaContradictEgo__mrt1mHairyJew4Life
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    If you pronounce coupon like qpon I hope you get eaten by a qgar

    • 1,965
    • FAVS
    GodBlessAchoonotaloginpunmagnateUnlucky_NinjaElizasoul80facciabellaOneTinyTweetfastmofobanshee
    • 1,503
    • RETWEETS
    orgasnompunmagnateUnlucky_NinjaCaptYogaPantsjjhoopsmuaNandoSnarkParkerlawyerWinSomeL0seSome
    ContwixtBooFricketyHooBlondAmbitionTOnerdreigniheartgunts
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Worried your tweet might offend someone?

    Send that shit

    People who shouldn't follow you will leave

    People who should will love you more

    • 1,892
    • FAVS
    TheRealRHBgi_problemchildshakenbakegurlmkayg3gem81xcantwitwontwitfuck__if_i_knowmjkspeaks
    • 1,424
    • RETWEETS
    mkayg3cantwitwontwitdavid_tullmstluvstrinketsKRISTINB5150BonJovi32hitgirl516gsaenz597
    GoldenSpiralsIrish_Red_33Prince_Madness1tehBoodha________GypsyJupiter__Ilovelamp1979Sparksy_TheDailySchmuck
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Marriage, because a fight about how you fold laundry should definitely escalate into why you're a worse person than Hitler

    • 1,974
    • FAVS
    GeauxSaints79TheRealRHBDonnie_FairburnMr_KapowskiJordan_AlainaProudFFAalumnishopkins776shell_ward__
    • 1,313
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealRHBProudFFAalumnishopkins776shell_ward__DiamondGirl127__Jedi_ZainFloodyHippieheatherjs
    MrsJekyllsHydeKori_OkieDadsbustednuts____SeanX3nicfit75iheartguntsJaiWalker________
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?

    • 1,947
    • FAVS
    heatherjsGeauxSaints79MichelleVitagrlTheRealRHBDonnie_FairburnMooinessMr_Kapowskishopkins776
    • 1,297
    • RETWEETS
    MooinessbuchandarrMichelleVitagrlTheRealRHBshopkins776DiamondGirl127__BaeconTacoLosLos__
    TheTweetParrot_whatever88______bornmiserableSultani_SailsandroszrenigmaticmessRunJeffreyRunsxydangerousgrl
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The first rule of nap club is SHUT THE FUCK UP

    • 1,789
    • FAVS
    brownlegalheatherjsms_snippety_Tempo11matt_travellingcandidartichokeseeing_voiceshereholddeez
    • 1,147
    • RETWEETS
    Randiii__heatherjskayraeg_Tempo11matt_travellingcandidartichokeVYPURMr_Kapowski
    JulieSnarkhendobeatz________ArroiaQwertyJones3DBMaxP
@theshamingofjay

@theshamingofjay

Just another asshole

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