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  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job

    • 5,054
    • FAVS
    itshotterhereahoychoiMentalDV8dad_divorcedDarknessNStarsNixadoodlegreen_eyed_dollJazzysway
    • 3,993
    • RETWEETS
    itshotterhere__SxRxRnR__MentalDV8keilani_hopedad_divorcedDarknessNStarsKhaleddAhmedgreen_eyed_doll
    BeagirlNJBoozieEyedJoeChymeNewsGroperClevelandDonnie_FairburnPlaying_DadJB_4_RealzheatherjsReverend_ScottmichowlPaperWashMichaelLarrickJohnBlackNowDuke1173ExitThaWarriorArrowsOfTheSunvelvettuskWhiskeySoured__PortRooster__PostedandBeamedrevenge_tanukisWildeThingybbast6CuddleMyHeart____LizWhatsherfaceKalvinMacleodHollyMemphisspekulationSeanX3OliverGuardDog
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A threesome? Nah not for me. If I wanted to horribly disappoint two other people I'd go out to dinner with my parents

    • 4,703
    • FAVS
    itshotterhere_charcastiqueTower_TrampheyoulauraSeeEllVeeBullsBabe005JBird2000grantgirl2004
    • 3,411
    • RETWEETS
    itshotterhereTower_Trampheyoulauragrantgirl2004adanzqueen3JackBogeyT_BonezzzGeauxSaints79
    Moi_RaRasmilely_galWindPushedGrassgvicksjifdendekkeAngryKoalaFruitJVarsityCaptainDani_FeldSavage_ScavangeNorthside_MikeNinjaFuneral______SoapyJohnsonArrowsOfTheSunThunder_Fart______ericonederfulRyncasaurusVillageShadow____MrsJekyllsHydetor_92_vPoliticallyILL1demented_Ashsamboriffickrissyerased______JorDAMN_SteveSuckingtonStrugglesBGbbDonnie_FairburnDBMaxPMatt_The_1stallisulliSwishergirl24
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Exclamation point rules

    ! - good
    !! - excited
    !!! - awesome
    !!!! - starting to get creepy
    !!!!! - cheerleader creepy
    !!!!!! - own 20 cats

    • 3,481
    • FAVS
    itshotterheregrantgirl2004ElminsterXadanzqueenT_BonezzzLittleLostPixieDadandBuriedTheRealRHB
    • 3,527
    • RETWEETS
    itshotterheregrantgirl2004adanzqueenT_BonezzzmaidilmLittleLostPixieDankaSofiaDadandBuried
    MikeZakarianuseful_wagon______llvvzzZatvomanConcernedSirGuyEmileeCaroNolaChef5041800RandygingerfaceddafloydstaI_Mee_Myself_SCBamaManShaunRightNowgrimpossibleBeagleEars406__Northside_Mikejeffreyvanclea1turndownfornapsSenorbrianMd
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    *Pull

    *Pull

    *Pull

    FUCK

    *Pull

    *Pull

    *Pull

    FUCK

    Me trying to turn off a ceiling fan

    • 3,545
    • FAVS
    TedBundybitchPapa_Mexhook8669Sandra_Di_txhockeymandPiratePrincessitshotterhererockfairydiva
    • 2,164
    • RETWEETS
    Papa_Mexhook8669dPiratePrincessitshotterherecrysfulrockfairydivaShopOfWhorerskatlinlove47
    1bastardangelJosesLovesYouPetPinkElephantHarbinger_oneJamesonN7pbear79hipchkkkodeeezzzymediocregeeRappaRickGrumpyBahrXplodingUnicornGoofpoopsLindaInDisguiseDouchekevin
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment

    • 2,931
    • FAVS
    aboopboopadoopFrankidontknowzokobabyTruculent673_livisurve88grantgirl2004Nope_ish
    • 2,139
    • RETWEETS
    aboopboopadoopzokobabyDr_powpow3_livigrantgirl2004hastymw2GuapowitzUnlucky_Ninja
    SubPsychee__MrJeremyHornArroiaBlondAmbitionTOThunder_Fart______felixosheaDudeImShawnNicholey23GeminiJew__JVarsityCaptainStevie_Talk__tylerisajokeTeowulfBarbz88Aredubbleyou______Shock_Monster__OreoSpeedwagon_Twisted_Mettlemahatmatweeteryou_can_touch____TheMongoose69iMikosnychmmthereiheartguntsToneLoOnTheGoleslid79__________bitchkrieg________HairyJew4LifeJohnny_Redonzo
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    My cell phone battery dies quicker than a mother in a Disney movie

    • 2,773
    • FAVS
    ArtIsMyPornitshotterheregrantgirl2004OutOnTheMoorslucidchemistrySebastianTrappleaenawBubuHose
    • 1,982
    • RETWEETS
    itshotterheregrantgirl2004OutOnTheMoorslucidchemistryZirkusdoktorinTheRealRHB_w0lfyJacksawyerr
    Donnie_FairburnDanielRCarrilloBazarComedyJessObsessPlaying_DadjjwhalesshegotagronkbigmacheriAmJuddybelleahhWonderMonkey78MyFairCharityThe_MentalystGhostOfATrophy____BlACk__ThRoaTTaylormatronicsRyncasaurusPsycholane
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    My son asked me what divorce was so I took half of his toys and when he started crying I took all of his money.

    • 2,473
    • FAVS
    AuthorChristyTitshotterhereJulesC70grantgirl2004DilemmaEmmaEmmaketchedlisaxy424Darkntwistd
    • 2,271
    • RETWEETS
    itshotterhereJulesC70grantgirl2004stephshipepnwildflowerCreamed_potatofrankiebeans696TheMichaelRock
    BradBroaddusnewstart43Social_MimeVFlorrrVintageBabe1212McChucklenutsDouchekevinPlaying_DadDonnie_FairburnPaperWashericsshadowarmyVet1972shwebby3StarksWeek__
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Life's a piano and I'm wearing boxing gloves

    • 2,500
    • FAVS
    abhineetsrsiempredelilahESSparklesDailyrutesperanzaRachelnoiseNataleeDararosegalv7FknVancouver
    • 2,169
    • RETWEETS
    abhineetsrrutesperanzarosegalv7Mr57percentanyltheghosthipnhopearjun697thedeadsquid
    r_wolfcastlejunkyardiganMeIissaMcDonaldstanleybehrmanaKhalifa101samborifficContradictEgo__Petotedapptrapmdob11iresurfvced__VaDawn13
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Stages of Twitter

    1) Follow celebrities
    2) Follow funny people
    3) Unfollow celebrities
    4) Realize you married the wrong person
    5) Die alone

    • 2,762
    • FAVS
    AuthorChristyTitshotterheretennismonixSleazySliZeroFilterDarz42OSassy_B1ondeunFinishdObjectbradgearon
    • 1,818
    • RETWEETS
    itshotterhereHipsterAngryIncognickiBen_DuronioBravesGasmbradgearonwestiexwestieslimeygrimes
    GoneInTheMornthexytharaHiddleDeeDeemjkspeaksCrunch11bSufficientCharmGoldishocksMouthOfSass__mindintheshadow__
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Some ugly person just called me shallow

    • 2,799
    • FAVS
    nbadagKaulRoblovemydogduckema_HonestlyReality_Bytes13_livipradogodheapsOhate
    • 1,652
    • RETWEETS
    KaulRobMelissaJoy33heapsOhateducksthoughts_definitlymaybekathybotteasdougbiesCLOheadUDS
    grantgirl2004candace_9871mysteryteacher
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes

    • 2,457
    • FAVS
    karanicole_FaerieGlamourSeeEllVeegrantgirl2004Adar79AngieTheChallssiddo471cosminaut
    • 1,804
    • RETWEETS
    grantgirl2004iloveskyrim71debon7_Tempo11heatherjsTheRealRHBVenisValdontwrryowlwait
    Dishy2101juneohara65jimmy_sharpeThrill_TweeterjeannerbeanerBCSkimaneesa_pDallaniHollyMemphislawyerthoughtsSonofConwayBigBob24266______
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Getting drunk is like having a 3rd base coach that waves you on no matter what

    • 2,522
    • FAVS
    D_MCCLEARYitshotterhereRADICALRNnocombnobrushMandaPie1981jimandrewsmusicLOUD_Thoughts_EddieMcSugarnut
    • 1,701
    • RETWEETS
    bubbleBean_JustAmy13itshotterherenocombnobrushkalika03MandaPie1981jimandrewsmusicMonicann86
    alldrolleduparmyantstudiosDranoRaulpeachey_keenAdWoodyardREALityDUMBBazarComedySteveSuckingtonReverend_ScottRaoul_Duke_71LindaInDisguiseLookAwayMomDad__misterbrymo
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    If you scan a barbwire tattoo at Walmart it unlocks a secret door to a room where hobos fight to the death for Toby Keith CDs

    • 2,396
    • FAVS
    mushroomtattooTweetsByTheTonymamapojoitshotterhereDadUnderfireCicatrix13ElminsterXbeefman138
    • 1,769
    • RETWEETS
    ManicMousemushroomtattooTweetsByTheTonyThisisMrGilbertmamapojoitshotterheregrantgirl2004beefman138
    SparkCityComedyBeagirlNJibid78rickkondell__1BigMickBazarComedyLama911Gobshite_huntigulaDallani
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The true beauty of Twitter is when you read a tweet and think holy fuck I'm not the only one

    • 2,300
    • FAVS
    CLOheadUDScareylikeswinegrantgirl2004hipnhopeTheRealRHBStaceyShortcakeBrokeBaldiheartgunts
    • 1,736
    • RETWEETS
    grantgirl2004anyltheghosthipnhopekourtneelynneLilMumma3454IAmSaidWhiskeybeefman138gsaenz597
    cocainemigraineWaterfallFrozenOldUncleDaveOwhathaveu1________The_Sculptresscloudybones__
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    If you pronounce coupon like qpon I hope you get eaten by a qgar

    • 2,082
    • FAVS
    aboopboopadoopjessicaeburkeDanaLynn1220miamimellymelSteveKoehler22nsbrwtttMountainRaptorSeanD1111
    • 1,597
    • RETWEETS
    TonyOnFoodaboopboopadooplari_7777SteveKoehler22nsbrwtttTouchOfAlchemychelseareyndersSaertjeMirror
    ContwixtBooFricketyHooBlondAmbitionTOnerdreigniheartgunts
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Dad - Hi
    Me - Hi
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad - You want to talk to Mom?

    Every phone conversation I've ever had with my Dad

    • 2,198
    • FAVS
    SeeEllVeegrantgirl2004hipnhopeheatherjskimberlyfeismeGeauxSaints79TheRealRHBxxxadryxxx
    • 1,305
    • RETWEETS
    grantgirl2004anyltheghosthipnhopeGeauxSaints79TheRealRHBItsAnnieHunnyvalerie_tosialarum01
    JamesonN7nerdculaContradictEgo__mrt1mHairyJew4Life
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Worried your tweet might offend someone?

    Send that shit

    People who shouldn't follow you will leave

    People who should will love you more

    • 1,892
    • FAVS
    TheRealRHBgi_problemchildshakenbakegurlmkayg3gem81xcantwitwontwitwell_damn_it3mjkspeaks
    • 1,424
    • RETWEETS
    mkayg3cantwitwontwitdavid_tullmstluvstrinketsKRISTINB5150BonJovi32hitgirl516gsaenz597
    GoldenSpiralsIrish_Red_33Prince_Madness1tehBoodha________GypsyJupiter__Ilovelamp1979Sparksy_TheDailySchmuck
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Marriage, because a fight about how you fold laundry should definitely escalate into why you're a worse person than Hitler

    • 1,974
    • FAVS
    GeauxSaints79TheRealRHBDonnie_FairburnMr_KapowskiJordan_AlainaProudFFAalumnishopkins776shell_ward__
    • 1,313
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealRHBProudFFAalumnishopkins776shell_ward__DiamondGirl127Jedi_ZainFloodyHippieheatherjs
    MrsJekyllsHydeKori_OkieDadsbustednuts____SeanX3nicfit75iheartguntsJaiWalker________
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?

    • 1,948
    • FAVS
    CelebrityChezheatherjsGeauxSaints79MichelleVitagrlTheRealRHBDonnie_FairburnMooinessMr_Kapowski
    • 1,297
    • RETWEETS
    MooinessbuchandarrMichelleVitagrlTheRealRHBshopkins776DiamondGirl127BaeconTacoLosLos__
    TheTweetParrot_whatever88______bornmiserableSultani_SailsandroszrenigmaticmessRunJeffreyRunsxydangerousgrl
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The first rule of nap club is SHUT THE FUCK UP

    • 1,811
    • FAVS
    DestineyLynnHighlyIngeniousScotthobson1BeagirlNJaqualady83melodicmadeMythicalCrystalAlrecenk
    • 1,160
    • RETWEETS
    Scotthobson1BeagirlNJaqualady83MythicalCrystalZachsMindShaddy_Eddydreadheadmonkgrantgirl2004
    JulieSnarkhendobeatz________ArroiaQwertyJones3DBMaxP
@theshamingofjay

@theshamingofjay

Just another asshole

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