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  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A sense of humor is a mans cleavage

    • 3,923
    • FAVS
    RaulJustinianoStu_Monsterbuck4ittGoodMistakes56JPeruserlawrence_ibrunopieronilizelarsen
    • 3,749
    • RETWEETS
    JPerusernexusveruseliserose5GreGooglyMooglyTampaBayMommaJuicedballsEightinchgoatBambaTen
    Social_MimeMrsJekyllsHydepbear79MichaelLarrick10InchesPlusBCSkimPaperWashSwishergirl24SadPerunaAdderallMommaAllanCresswellGreeneyedManiacobscurerobotJaySommerocourtneynoDBMaxPSmithWitJenny4ashleysalamingia_Ellsie_Back2You73________ClancyBearslietoo______imence2Andie_LVDurtMcHurttrachellinfox______
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Exclamation point rules

    ! - good
    !! - excited
    !!! - awesome
    !!!! - starting to get creepy
    !!!!! - cheerleader creepy
    !!!!!! - own 20 cats

    • 3,376
    • FAVS
    RaulJustinianoAGreaterMonsterDonSchankeZachKromerWritingWilkieLilbyrdyPauly_Millerimasillypirate
    • 3,475
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsterPaulMcGrathrhondaperkybuck4ittimasillypirateGoodMistakes56limmynemTampaBayMomma
    MikeZakarianuseful_wagon______llvvzzZatvomanConcernedSirGuyEmileeCaroNolaChef5041800RandygingerfaceddafloydstaI_Mee_Myself_SCBamaManShaunRightNowgrimpossibleBeagleEars406____Northside_Mikejeffreyvanclea1turndownfornapssmelly911
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A threesome? Nah not for me. If I wanted to horribly disappoint two other people I'd go out to dinner with my parents

    • 3,836
    • FAVS
    boobsareimpliedmjkspeaksAGreaterMonsterandrealortizPyjamasRichjeromejuwanmoonlightglow4nowarranty
    • 2,860
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsterSlackistaniiandrealortizPhilDhoaruigunowarrantyMarkGSparrowluap2001
    WindPushedGrassgvicksjifdendekkeAngryKoalaFruitJVarsityCaptainDani_FeldSavage_ScavangeNorthside_MikeNinjaFuneral______SoapyJohnsonArrowsOfTheSunThunder_Fart______ericONEderfulRyncasaurusVillageShadow____MrsJekyllsHydetor_92_vPoliticallyILL1demented_Ashsamboriffickrissyerased______JorDAMN_SteveSuckingtonStrugglesBGbbDonnie_FairburnDBMaxPMatt_The_1stallisulliSwishergirl24
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job

    • 3,311
    • FAVS
    MrDystopiamjkspeaksAGreaterMonsterTheAboudlawrence_ieliserose5ThatDudeFryangriffiths
    • 2,536
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsteromardeganteeliserose5ryangriffithsPujaPussoirfusedudeTampaBayMommaThatDangIndian
    Reverend_ScottmichowlPaperWashMichaelLarrickTheRomanParkerDuke1173ExitThaWarriorArrowsOfTheSunjjax44WhiskeySoured__PortRoosterPostedandBeamedrevenge_tanukisWildeThingybbast6CuddleMyHeart____LizWhatsherfaceKalvinMacleodHollyMemphisspekulationseanx3JT_IV_
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment

    • 2,782
    • FAVS
    GinAndJifmjkspeaksAGreaterMonsterStu_MonsterDrFapFapGoodMistakes56KrunkedRobotxtrilho
    • 2,077
    • RETWEETS
    Glove_MonkeyAGreaterMonsterStu_MonsterDrFapFapArabic_Mohannadeliserose5dubsmontanaTampaBayMomma
    SubPsychee__MrJeremyHornArroiaBlondAmbitionTOThunder_Fart______GrumpyCommentsDudeImShawnNicholey23GeminiJewJVarsityCaptainStevie_Talktjh4y4TeowulfBarbz88Aredubbleyou______Shock_Monster__OreoSpeedwagon_Twisted_Mettlemahatmatweeteryou_can_touch____TheMongoose69iMikosnychmmwalshiheartguntsToneLoOnTheGoleslid79__________bitchkrieg________HairyJew4LifeJohnny_Redonzo
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    *Pull

    *Pull

    *Pull

    FUCK

    *Pull

    *Pull

    *Pull

    FUCK

    Me trying to turn off a ceiling fan

    • 2,923
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItAGreaterMonsterCatfishGoneWildColeAlcornbiatchpppleaseGroseraGirlJEllis1313tacos_y_cerveza
    • 1,737
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsterCatfishGoneWildbiatchpppleaseJEllis1313tacos_y_cervezaWarWithMyMindNeon_Dragonrubenvasquez247
    JamesonN7pbear79hipchkkkodeeezzzymediocregeeRappaRickGrumpyBahrXplodingUnicornGoofpoopsLindaInDisguiseDouchekevin
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    My cell phone battery dies quicker than a mother in a Disney movie

    • 2,327
    • FAVS
    MrDystopiamjkspeaksAGreaterMonsterGoodMistakes56ThatDudeFTampaBayMommaclemwinMsPhantastical
    • 1,756
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsterTampaBayMommaPortRoosterEightinchgoatMisss_Lady_MaamSteelCityDawnli4mst3w4rtUGANDANCRAZY
    BazarComedyJessObsessPlaying_DadjjwhalesshegotagronkbigmacheriAmJuddybelleahhWonderMonkey78MyFairCharity__The_MentalystGhostOfATrophy____BlACk__ThRoaTTaylormatronicsRyncasaurusPsycholane
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes

    • 2,322
    • FAVS
    wally_B_69est1975blogmjkspeaksAGreaterMonsterStu_Monsterslide95NatashaNat24GoodMistakes56
    • 1,738
    • RETWEETS
    est1975blogAGreaterMonsterGoodMistakes56TampaBayMommali4mst3w4rtFraggleRockL490rodrizmichaelUGANDANCRAZY
    Dishy2101juneohara65jimmy_sharpeanjadrischjeannerbeanerBCSkimaneesa_pDallaniHollyMemphislawyerthoughtsSonofConwayBigBob24266______
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The true beauty of Twitter is when you read a tweet and think holy fuck I'm not the only one

    • 2,181
    • FAVS
    AGreaterMonsteraKhalifa101buck4ittTampaBayMommaBambaTenli4mst3w4rtDebHawk12MsVintageMethod
    • 1,700
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsteraKhalifa101TampaBayMommali4mst3w4rtmina_erinNotThatAwesome_sweetmissashleyBabinskyDiaries
    cocainemigraineWaterfallFrozenOldUncleDaveOwhathaveu1________The_Sculptresscloudybones
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    My son asked me what divorce was so I took half of his toys and when he started crying I took all of his money.

    • 1,876
    • FAVS
    AGreaterMonsterCatfishGoneWildbiatchpppleaseaKhalifa101Stu_Monster5oulhealerka_mwanaNuclear__Banana
    • 1,822
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsterCatfishGoneWildkameenapantibiatchpppleaseStu_Monsterjuneohara655oulhealerka_mwana
    DouchekevinPlaying_DadDonnie_FairburnPaperWashericsshadowarmyVet1972shwebby3StarksWeek
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Worried your tweet might offend someone?

    Send that shit

    People who shouldn't follow you will leave

    People who should will love you more

    • 1,853
    • FAVS
    ruraljulesMissing_pointAGreaterMonsterDrFapFapThatDudeFTampaBayMommaBambaTenli4mst3w4rt
    • 1,405
    • RETWEETS
    thefunleiMissing_pointAGreaterMonsterDrFapFapBambaTenli4mst3w4rtFraggleRockL490rodrizmichael
    GoldenSpiralsSpoiled_Red_32Prince_Madness1tehBoodha________GypsyFireQueenIlovelamp1979__Sparksy_TheDailySchmuck
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Dad - Hi
    Me - Hi
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad - You want to talk to Mom?

    Every phone conversation I've ever had with my Dad

    • 1,989
    • FAVS
    ShanaRose21JoshuaFlailAGreaterMonsterStu_MonsterThatDudeFFeistyGirl_BMorganlizbeth81CallMeDraper
    • 1,218
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsterMorganlizbeth81once_fabulousCallMeDraperBiscuitFloaterEightinchgoatUsmanTheAwanHuzaifaRafiq
    JamesonN7nerdculaContradictEgomrt1mHairyJew4Life
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Marriage, because a fight about how you fold laundry should definitely escalate into why you're a worse person than Hitler

    • 1,910
    • FAVS
    AGreaterMonsterStu_MonsternormancallmeDrFapFapSouthernStylin1WarWithMyMindEightinchgoatellejizzer
    • 1,277
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsterStu_MonsterStevenLomax2DrFapFapSouthernStylin1WarWithMyMindEightinchgoatNicole39077483
    MrsJekyllsHydeKori_OkieDadsbustednuts____seanx3nicfit75iheartguntsJaiWalker________
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Life's a piano and I'm wearing boxing gloves

    • 1,642
    • FAVS
    AGreaterMonsteraKhalifa101Stu_MonsterDrFapFapThatDudeFPrakaashLLin_BakerTampaBayMomma
    • 1,368
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsteraKhalifa101liana_791DrFapFapPrakaashLTampaBayMommaBambaTenDickstracted
    samborifficContradictEgoPetotedapptrapmdob11iresurfaced__VaDawn13
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?

    • 1,795
    • FAVS
    nigburttamis_02RUSKlNNicster_gabemakesmusicmeowskinsJoshuaFlailAGreaterMonster
    • 1,210
    • RETWEETS
    RUSKlNmae_marsLerkyfutietonAGreaterMonsterOneSmartFellowzenMurrronbissel
    TheTweetParrot_whatever88______bornmiserableSultani_SailsandroszrenigmaticmessRunJeffreyRunSarcastious
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The first rule of nap club is SHUT THE FUCK UP

    • 1,733
    • FAVS
    AGreaterMonsterThatDudeFpizzasaucebosscynthiacallisonTuffyNyCpjblankenshiprickolanternSteelCityDawn
    • 1,092
    • RETWEETS
    Misss_Lady_MaamSteelCityDawnli4mst3w4rtA_Bike_GuyAjLshutterflyFraggleRockL490rodrizmichaelLionbeard
    JulieSnarkhendobeatz________ArroiaQwertyJones3DBMaxP
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    If you pronounce coupon like qpon I hope you get eaten by a qgar

    • 1,532
    • FAVS
    ShanaRose21AGreaterMonsterStu_MonsterTampaBayMommacrysfulli4mst3w4rtninjadinosaur1leahlovescheez
    • 1,178
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonstercrysfulOB_wan_kenobininjadinosaur1Thamizh_terimaDARCi_kxlr8tor875oulhealer
    BooFricketyHooBlondAmbitionTOnerdreigniheartgunts
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    If you scan a barbwire tattoo at Walmart it unlocks a secret door to a room where hobos fight to the death for Toby Keith CDs

    • 1,553
    • FAVS
    FaerieGlamourJoshuaFlailShanaRose21AGreaterMonsterashlar36TampaBayMommaSouthernStylin1acwzywabit
    • 1,102
    • RETWEETS
    ShanaRose21AGreaterMonsterashlar36SouthernStylin1Eightinchgoatin_cognicojenyb4Ohgoddessitsme
    rickkondell1BigMickBazarComedyLama911worley_7huntigulaDallani
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    I shed a tear every time my cell phone rings at work and its not Morpheus

    • 1,408
    • FAVS
    Astronaut1205DropsNoPantiessenior_assholeAGreaterMonsterThatDudeFli4mst3w4rtninjadinosaur1l3ah21
    • 930
    • RETWEETS
    Astronaut1205AGreaterMonsterLackOfShamerodrizmichaelUGANDANCRAZYrachelcritelliLauschJackBook_Krazy
    The_Just_FactorGreGooglyMooglythatUPSdudeJosesLovesYouiresurfaced__missekaykentgrossarthVEGD1MTeachersHot______GeauxSaints79CackleClub
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Some ugly person just called me shallow

    • 1,437
    • FAVS
    DarkerWillowbklynmike3baliska2Jaywoo74EliHansenMusicSufficientCharmmelibuffskernn23
    • 784
    • RETWEETS
    AtSignMaudeJaywoo74EliHansenMusiclatte_dramaSufficientCharmalanwdixgroovyspecsAng3L82
    candace_9871mysteryteacher
@theshamingofjay

@theshamingofjay

Just another asshole