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  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A sense of humor is a mans cleavage

    • 4,123
    • FAVS
    thecrabbyhook19AD3ohpeetiegoog927GlowingFrecklesKellerMarilynSDPlissken1Tess_Says
    • 3,956
    • RETWEETS
    thecrabbyhookohpeetieBeleManoFayaz1281JudyLee64cajaspal_singhRohitKohli236CleverGirl85
    WalashdsSocial_MimeMrsJekyllsHydepbear79MichaelLarrick10InchesPlusBCSkimPaperWashSwishergirl24SadPerunaAdderallMommaquickpooperGreeneyedMofobillymeetsworldJaySommerocourtneynoDBMaxPSmithWitJenny4ashleysalamingia_Ellsie_Back2You73________ClancyBearslietoo______imence2Andie_LVDurtMcHurttrachellinfox______
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A threesome? Nah not for me. If I wanted to horribly disappoint two other people I'd go out to dinner with my parents

    • 4,483
    • FAVS
    JamieGreenleesrockandrolltartohpeetieednotsowisefragmentarygirlMiniiGEricTroblesDandeliongirl01
    • 3,239
    • RETWEETS
    orgasnomohpeetiepprincess_alexxbuckley_rebekahJagerMouthchillyrip79billyglockJedZiggler
    Moi_RaRasmilely_galWindPushedGrassgvicksjifdendekkeAngryKoalaFruitJVarsityCaptainDani_FeldSavage_ScavangeNorthside_MikeNinjaFuneral______SoapyJohnsonArrowsOfTheSunThunder_Fart______ericonederfulRyncasaurusVillageShadow____MrsJekyllsHydetor_92_vPoliticallyILL1demented_Ashsamboriffickrissyerased______JorDAMN_SteveSuckingtonStrugglesBGbbDonnie_FairburnDBMaxPMatt_The_1stallisulliSwishergirl24
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Exclamation point rules

    ! - good
    !! - excited
    !!! - awesome
    !!!! - starting to get creepy
    !!!!! - cheerleader creepy
    !!!!!! - own 20 cats

    • 3,423
    • FAVS
    Love140ArtgonzrocitshaleyboothecrabbyhookJay1972JayohpeetieBoo_berries_danorslim
    • 3,500
    • RETWEETS
    oh_kirstenthecrabbyhookdanorslimhg47novicefather2biliouswest_coltonVanilla__Lace
    MikeZakarianuseful_wagon______llvvzzZatvomanConcernedSirGuyEmileeCaroNolaChef5041800RandygingerfaceddafloydstaI_Mee_Myself_SCBamaManShaunRightNowgrimpossibleBeagleEars406Northside_Mikejeffreyvanclea1turndownfornapsSenorbrianMd
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job

    • 3,649
    • FAVS
    VioletSheep2301KamikazeeJillokeeffesimonSwedenDCfragmentarygirlSleazySliStevieRay0420scpryor
    • 2,775
    • RETWEETS
    KamikazeeJillDarlingBrockJayden_BryceSlyyDog_popcorngoddess1klg1193BigRetweetskylieharmon
    heatherjsReverend_ScottmichowlPaperWashMichaelLarrickTheRomanParkerDuke1173ExitThaWarriorArrowsOfTheSunjjax44WhiskeySoured__PortRoosterPostedandBeamedrevenge_tanukisWildeThingybbast6CuddleMyHeart____LizWhatsherfaceKalvinMacleodHollyMemphisspekulationseanx3JTppMan
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    *Pull

    *Pull

    *Pull

    FUCK

    *Pull

    *Pull

    *Pull

    FUCK

    Me trying to turn off a ceiling fan

    • 3,192
    • FAVS
    Tiberius1986Slipgate0RocZacCelebYouTauntSwedenDCTEAMP2007RaylaRimpsonBuckeyeAnnie2
    • 1,925
    • RETWEETS
    DanSWrightSlipgate0TEAMP2007RaylaRimpsonWVBUD1jayroolzGabriellaLese_TheLizard_King
    PetPinkElephantHarbinger_oneJamesonN7pbear79hipchkkkodeeezzzymediocregeeRappaRickGrumpyBahrXplodingUnicornGoofpoopsLindaInDisguiseDouchekevin
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment

    • 2,836
    • FAVS
    rlm611K8Austengonzrocscottbeairstomarbles1616bluinterferencethecrabbyhookohpeetie
    • 2,098
    • RETWEETS
    nv7281D5_D5oh_kirstenthecrabbyhookohpeetieautty33GriffinShamaradanorslim
    SubPsychee__MrJeremyHornArroiaBlondAmbitionTOThunder_Fart______GrumpyCommentsDudeImShawnNicholey23GeminiJewJVarsityCaptainStevie_TalktylerisajokeTeowulfBarbz88Aredubbleyou______Shock_Monster__OreoSpeedwagon_Twisted_Mettlemahatmatweeteryou_can_touch____TheMongoose69iMikosnychmmwalshiheartguntsToneLoOnTheGoleslid79__________bitchkrieg________HairyJew4LifeJohnny_Redonzo
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    My son asked me what divorce was so I took half of his toys and when he started crying I took all of his money.

    • 2,195
    • FAVS
    secretlysassy1GoatsOfDoomThe_TakeTheRealDanBradyjjgrapesooooYuMMyThat_AwesomeGuyDaldballz25
    • 2,060
    • RETWEETS
    durrant318The_TakejjgrapegiosagripantiwithlovemarjsooooYuMMyThat_AwesomeGuyseriouslytrex
    VintageBabe1212danorslimDouchekevinPlaying_DadDonnie_FairburnPaperWashericsshadowarmyVet1972shwebby3StarksWeek
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    My cell phone battery dies quicker than a mother in a Disney movie

    • 2,434
    • FAVS
    ChelseaAnnAmanem2the_geephillyfrankiejohnd785theodohRiseslynnm_mariestschobergGG246810
    • 1,807
    • RETWEETS
    unrelatednamesgirl_jennphillyfrankiemollymae42JoeWalkerWebb26sammyj_04nittunisiaDadiAmmi
    DanielRCarrilloBazarComedyJessObsessPlaying_DadjjwhalesshegotagronkbigmacheriAmJuddybelleahhWonderMonkey78MyFairCharityThe_MentalystGhostOfATrophy____BlACk__ThRoaTTaylormatronicsRyncasaurusPsycholane
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Stages of Twitter

    1) Follow celebrities
    2) Follow funny people
    3) Unfollow celebrities
    4) Realize you married the wrong person
    5) Die alone

    • 2,559
    • FAVS
    RuthePhoenixtillygirl3thecrabbyhookrockandrolltartBlametheADHDohpeetieLauren_NJTenderBully
    • 1,676
    • RETWEETS
    chimpchips1thecrabbyhookLeTanzzdanorslimRohitKohli236BBBBillFarlieSeabassSimpsontexasstalkermom
    GoneInTheMornthexytharaHiddleDeeDeemjkspeaksCrunch11bSufficientCharmGoldishocksMouthOfSassmindintheshadow
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes

    • 2,392
    • FAVS
    thecrabbyhookrebekahashley19BridgetMamacitaanullMars_Bar_Sal0630MervinMousToxicProbably
    • 1,769
    • RETWEETS
    hstislickianullMervinMousdanorslimb4sageJemill13pineywoozleK__g_nV_g_n
    Dishy2101juneohara65jimmy_sharpeanjadrischjeannerbeanerBCSkimaneesa_pDallaniHollyMemphislawyerthoughtsSonofConwayBigBob24266______
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Life's a piano and I'm wearing boxing gloves

    • 2,213
    • FAVS
    cjwhookidISOremarkablemacjackgregorPicto_ShinigamiBigRetweetsMaxForgotDebbieT71164217ThomasJankow
    • 1,909
    • RETWEETS
    theGENOshowBmoreArticulateklg1193BigRetweetsThomasJankow5oulhealerel_chrisphelpsVanillaRoads
    r_wolfcastlejunkyardiganM3lissaMcDonaldstanleybehrmanaKhalifa101samborifficContradictEgo__Petotedapptrapmdob11iresurfaced__VaDawn13
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The true beauty of Twitter is when you read a tweet and think holy fuck I'm not the only one

    • 2,230
    • FAVS
    thecrabbyhookohpeetieTess_Saysancykhan0013RohitKohli236CleverGirl85ElsyBeathDezzy_do_right
    • 1,717
    • RETWEETS
    RohitKohli236FreakyQuotezElsyBeathjuneohara65jctsmileyoneSanoreitaGoodMistakes56thefosterer
    cocainemigraineWaterfallFrozenOldUncleDaveOwhathaveu1________The_Sculptresscloudybones
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Worried your tweet might offend someone?

    Send that shit

    People who shouldn't follow you will leave

    People who should will love you more

    • 1,873
    • FAVS
    thecrabbyhookTess_Saysancykhan0013RohitKohli236CleverGirl85ElsyBeathtexasstalkermompol_e_wog
    • 1,410
    • RETWEETS
    RohitKohli236FreakyQuotezElsyBeath_CourtneyNic0lepol_e_wogPhillipFrye5MandaPie1981Sanoreita
    GoldenSpiralsSpoiled_Red_32Prince_Madness1tehBoodha________GypsyFireQueenIlovelamp1979Sparksy_TheDailySchmuck
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Dad - Hi
    Me - Hi
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad - You want to talk to Mom?

    Every phone conversation I've ever had with my Dad

    • 2,024
    • FAVS
    nicolbrookeBrittBroxloriwaranphilthy0philEmilynotEmmyBrookeTuzilSadieMegertAvajoye
    • 1,231
    • RETWEETS
    underyourbed666iJasonYuTrevorDickersonrsmartttbeezechimpchips1un1xphyscothecrabbyhook
    JamesonN7nerdculaContradictEgo__mrt1mHairyJew4Life
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Marriage, because a fight about how you fold laundry should definitely escalate into why you're a worse person than Hitler

    • 1,951
    • FAVS
    oh_kirstenthecrabbyhookTess_SaysvmcniffLillyHale1dietredbullvtrapp11KatieBurnett
    • 1,300
    • RETWEETS
    thecrabbyhookMike_WorsleyLillyHale1Vanilla__LaceOverRitzhaykshanLovesLAandDogsDJKal0502
    MrsJekyllsHydeKori_OkieDadsbustednuts____seanx3nicfit75iheartguntsJaiWalker________
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?

    • 1,840
    • FAVS
    carlykenthecrabbyhookohpeetieTess_SaysPetPinkElephantsherrymparkerGoodMistakes56dietredbull
    • 1,233
    • RETWEETS
    thecrabbyhookadityaaomsherrymparkerGoodMistakes56Vanilla__Lace_itspat_krishna_vanKylemartinsugar
    TheTweetParrot_whatever88______bornmiserableSultani_Sailsandroszrenigmaticmess__RunJeffreyRunSarcastious
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Getting drunk is like having a 3rd base coach that waves you on no matter what

    • 1,714
    • FAVS
    VerifiedDrunk2014DBearWhiskeyMeBabyDebbieT71164217ThomasJankowMediocreMorguesarakelly16015oulhealer
    • 1,203
    • RETWEETS
    BigRetweets2014DBear5oulhealerhanoiheroinMegS_LindekaytaaBitchSeatsevenxx7
    armyantstudiosDranoRaulpeachey_keenAdWoodyardREALityDUMBBazarComedySteveSuckingtonReverend_ScottRaoul_Duke_71LindaInDisguiseLookAwayMomDadmisterbrymo
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The first rule of nap club is SHUT THE FUCK UP

    • 1,752
    • FAVS
    scottbeairstoVicFutureDJN85thecrabbyhookohpeetieTess_SaysElsyBeathtkcoltsfan
    • 1,119
    • RETWEETS
    chimpchips1iPaddoscottbeairstoVicFuturethecrabbyhookElsyBeathNotAPaidActorprettyyinpunk
    JulieSnarkhendobeatz________ArroiaQwertyJones3DBMaxP
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    If you pronounce coupon like qpon I hope you get eaten by a qgar

    • 1,552
    • FAVS
    heythereclaircarlykenthecrabbyhookohpeetieShut_up_MarissaTess_SaysPetPinkElephantGuisteRachel
    • 1,183
    • RETWEETS
    bac0nbaewheatherroh_kirstenthecrabbyhooksandovariessherrymparkerSanoreitaA_Dash_of_Sugar
    BooFricketyHooBlondAmbitionTOnerdreigniheartgunts
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    If you scan a barbwire tattoo at Walmart it unlocks a secret door to a room where hobos fight to the death for Toby Keith CDs

    • 1,581
    • FAVS
    LillibetB27Weird_RashohpeetieTess_SaysCleverGirl85TierraHopkinsCarliWalrusPetPinkElephant
    • 1,117
    • RETWEETS
    ohpeetieCarliWalrusJust_1Gthefosterer_itspat_BCSkimsansespoirSoapboxBubba
    rickkondell1BigMickBazarComedyLama911Gobshite_huntigulaDallani
@theshamingofjay

@theshamingofjay

Just another asshole