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  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A sense of humor is a mans cleavage

    • 3,906
    • FAVS
    frackurselfFarooq7gkladyprevostJJ_LonghornDebbieTuitamaSteelCityDawnLeonorM31li4mst3w4rt
    • 3,739
    • RETWEETS
    ssaigladyprevostJJ_LonghornSteelCityDawnSibiLMarriottLeonorM31li4mst3w4rtBedroomThief1
    Social_MimeMrsJekyllsHydepbear79MichaelLarrick10InchesPlusBCSkimPaperWashSwishergirl24SadPerunaAdderallMommaAllanCresswellGreeneyedManiacobscurerobot______JaySommerocourtneynoDBMaxPSmithWitJenny4ashleysalamingia_Ellsie_Back2You73________ClancyBearslietoo______imence2Andie_LVDurtMcHurttrachellinfox______
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Exclamation point rules

    ! - good
    !! - excited
    !!! - awesome
    !!!! - starting to get creepy
    !!!!! - cheerleader creepy
    !!!!!! - own 20 cats

    • 3,364
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtninjadinosaur1Dr_LanieShut_up_MarissaChamitaRunner12BandersnaaatchshiteshesaysFraggleRockL490
    • 3,458
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtninjadinosaur1eborg01sarahkmiller42FraggleRockL490weejockmaleysesomwodahsjayeddyy
    MikeZakarianuseful_wagon______llvvzzZatvomanConcernedSirGuyEmileeCaroNolaChef5041800RandygingerfaceddafloydstaI_Mee_Myself_SCBamaManShaunRightNowgrimpossibleBeagleEars406____Northside_Mikejeffreyvanclea1turndownfornapssmelly911
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A threesome? Nah not for me. If I wanted to horribly disappoint two other people I'd go out to dinner with my parents

    • 3,645
    • FAVS
    ssaigpjblankenshipSevernjacaRamisThoughtslawrenlikesitnigelgodwinravenkinggBaileyXPaige
    • 2,697
    • RETWEETS
    blindjaywalkerpjblankenshipSteelCityDawnRamisThoughtsli4mst3w4rtbitsplizIceHuckFraggleRockL490
    WindPushedGrassgvicksjifdendekkeAngryKoalaFruitJVarsityCaptainDani_FeldSavage_ScavangeNorthside_MikeNinjaFuneral______SoapyJohnsonArrowsOfTheSunThunder_Fart______ericONEderfulRyncasaurusVillageShadow____MrsJekyllsHydetor_92_vPoliticallyILL1demented_Ashsamboriffickrissyerased______JorDAMN_SteveSuckingtonStrugglesBGbbDonnie_FairburnDBMaxPMatt_The_1stallisulliSwishergirl24
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job

    • 3,245
    • FAVS
    SibiLMarriottIreland_Beckonsli4mst3w4rtninjadinosaur1LoniDarkonauticalnoodleCpin42Shut_up_Marissa
    • 2,491
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtMissMel96FraggleRockL490UGANDANCRAZYretardedjanitorimfuckedanyways2PASSaSMILEcreamydior
    Reverend_ScottmichowlPaperWashMichaelLarrickTheRomanParkerDuke1173ExitThaWarriorArrowsOfTheSunjjax44WhiskeySouredPortRoosterPostedandBeamedrevenge_tanukisWildeThingybbast6CuddleMyHeart____LizWhatsherfaceKalvinMacleodHollyMemphisspekulationseanx3JT_IV_
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment

    • 2,774
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtninjadinosaur1HappyPlaceProJonnyHostileShut_up_MarissaFraggleRockL490imshekyimfuckedanyways
    • 2,072
    • RETWEETS
    Dickstractedli4mst3w4rtShut_up_MarissaFraggleRockL490UGANDANCRAZYimfuckedanywayst2_tobinalbywizzy
    SubPsycheeMrJeremyHornArroiaBlondAmbitionTOThunder_Fart______GrumpyCommentsDudeImShawnNicholey23GeminiJewJVarsityCaptainStevie_Talktjh4y4TeowulfBarbz88Aredubbleyou______Shock_MonsterOreoSpeedwagon_Twisted_Mettlemahatmatweeteryou_can_touch____TheMongoose69iMikosnychmmwalshiheartguntsToneLoOnTheGoleslid79__________bitchkrieg________HairyJew4LifeJohnny_Redonzo
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    *Pull

    *Pull

    *Pull

    FUCK

    *Pull

    *Pull

    *Pull

    FUCK

    Me trying to turn off a ceiling fan

    • 2,818
    • FAVS
    ladyprevostJosessinathepoisonedpoetSteelCityDawnli4mst3w4rtninjadinosaur1Shut_up_Marissalarryrother
    • 1,674
    • RETWEETS
    pjblankenshipladyprevostSteelCityDawnDickstractedli4mst3w4rtkerrijerseyfrankj2k9DrTGeldenhuys
    pbear79hipchkkkodeeezzzymediocregeeRappaRickGrumpyBahrXplodingUnicornGoofpoopsLindaInDisguiseDouchekevin
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    My cell phone battery dies quicker than a mother in a Disney movie

    • 2,310
    • FAVS
    LonelyJackalopeNadirChaudhryrickolanternNoSpankYouSteelCityDawnli4mst3w4rtninjadinosaur1MasterOfFury
    • 1,753
    • RETWEETS
    Misss_Lady_MaamSteelCityDawnli4mst3w4rtUGANDANCRAZYimfuckedanywaysshacklenholmesLHaveralerickkondell
    BazarComedyJessObsessPlaying_DadjjwhalesshegotagronkbigmacheriAmJuddybelleahhWonderMonkey78MyFairCharity__The_MentalystGhostOfATrophy____BlACk__ThRoaTTaylormatronicsRyncasaurusPsycholane
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes

    • 2,318
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtninjadinosaur1IceHuckFraggleRockL490J_Illunninatiimfuckedanywaysjbird8888shacklenholmes
    • 1,735
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtFraggleRockL490rodrizmichaelUGANDANCRAZYJ_IllunninatiimfuckedanywaysLHaveralerickkondell
    Dishy2101juneohara65jimmy_sharpeanjadrischjeannerbeanerBCSkimaneesa_pDallaniHollyMemphislawyerthoughtsSonofConwayBigBob24266______
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The true beauty of Twitter is when you read a tweet and think holy fuck I'm not the only one

    • 2,176
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtDebHawk12MsVintageMethodShut_up_Marissareviousamandag424FraggleRockL490imsheky
    • 1,697
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtmina_erinNotThatAwesome_sweetmissashleyBabinskyDiariesFraggleRockL490Czwe_Jayrodrizmichael
    cocainemigraineIcewaterSplashOldUncleDaveOwhathaveu1________The_Sculptresscloudybones
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    My son asked me what divorce was so I took half of his toys and when he started crying I took all of his money.

    • 1,669
    • FAVS
    EmmaStrickland1yufitnessA_TribsschumyxxxBritaJamesDeusExJuiceFuzzzyNutsradcouch
    • 1,613
    • RETWEETS
    yufitnessonce_fabulousschumyxxxFuzzzyNutsPlaying_Dadli4mst3w4rtMossMan_85k_cycy
    Playing_DadDonnie_FairburnPaperWashericsshadowarmyVet1972shwebby3StarksWeek
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Worried your tweet might offend someone?

    Send that shit

    People who shouldn't follow you will leave

    People who should will love you more

    • 1,848
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtclitfingerShut_up_Marissabrookerichards_imfuckedanywayspsc96180_pablofunnybeachgirlMortifiedMama
    • 1,402
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtFraggleRockL490rodrizmichaelUGANDANCRAZYimfuckedanywaysvansopinion8tedpsc96180_pabloTWEETsoSWEET888
    GoldenSpiralsSpoiled_Red_32Prince_Madness1tehBoodha________GypsyFireQueenIlovelamp1979__Sparksy_TheDailySchmuck
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Dad - Hi
    Me - Hi
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad -
    Me -
    Dad - You want to talk to Mom?

    Every phone conversation I've ever had with my Dad

    • 1,975
    • FAVS
    toddgeorge1Niduu22IKadduLoverHuzaifaRafiqNadirChaudhryMohammadRamis2NoSpankYouDebbieTuitama
    • 1,216
    • RETWEETS
    UsmanTheAwanHuzaifaRafiqtahaahmed997glloyd1SteelCityDawnli4mst3w4rtSlim_thahooperUGANDANCRAZY
    JamesonN7nerdculaContradictEgomrt1mHairyJew4Life
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Marriage, because a fight about how you fold laundry should definitely escalate into why you're a worse person than Hitler

    • 1,894
    • FAVS
    TrivelaKPlaying_Dadli4mst3w4rtdressjortsscrappydoo36ninjadinosaur1bmunsenMommyPrince
    • 1,260
    • RETWEETS
    Dickstractedli4mst3w4rtdressjortsscrappydoo36MommyPrinceohmyHoafabmommywifeBoldBarkley
    MrsJekyllsHydeKori_OkieDadsbustednuts____seanx3nicfit75iheartguntsJaiWalker________
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Life's a piano and I'm wearing boxing gloves

    • 1,635
    • FAVS
    CharmandBrainsli4mst3w4rtsachdevaprashareviousRideSallyRide69SleazySliBaldCartoonistFraggleRockL490
    • 1,363
    • RETWEETS
    Dickstractedli4mst3w4rtRideSallyRide69BabinskyDiariesFraggleRockL490rodrizmichaelUGANDANCRAZYimfuckedanyways
    samborifficContradictEgoPetotedapptrapmdob11iresurfaced__VaDawn13
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?

    • 1,742
    • FAVS
    Playing_DadAtticusFinch917li4mst3w4rtAguyandabeagleBeCoco77JohnnyGar11rickkondellxrandomxgirlx
    • 1,182
    • RETWEETS
    i_ngareAguyandabeagleBeCoco77BBBBBentchantal_devospuddydave10rickkondellxrandomxgirlx
    TheTweetParrot_whatever88______bornmiserableSultani_SailsandroszrenigmaticmessRunJeffreyRunSarcastious
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    The first rule of nap club is SHUT THE FUCK UP

    • 1,719
    • FAVS
    cynthiacallisonTuffyNyCpjblankenshiprickolanternSteelCityDawnCharmandBrainsSibiLMarriottli4mst3w4rt
    • 1,088
    • RETWEETS
    Misss_Lady_MaamSteelCityDawnli4mst3w4rtA_Bike_GuyAjLshutterflyFraggleRockL490rodrizmichaelLionbeard
    JulieSnarkhendobeatz________ArroiaQwertyJones3DBMaxP
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    If you pronounce coupon like qpon I hope you get eaten by a qgar

    • 1,529
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtninjadinosaur1leahlovescheez_dweads5oulhealer2Just_A_Guy72luisvidalgtDARCi_k
    • 1,176
    • RETWEETS
    OB_wan_kenobininjadinosaur1Thamizh_terimaDARCi_kxlr8tor875oulhealerjasmine_xoxo_x3itsmylife78
    BooFricketyHooBlondAmbitionTOnerdreigniheartgunts
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    If you scan a barbwire tattoo at Walmart it unlocks a secret door to a room where hobos fight to the death for Toby Keith CDs

    • 1,518
    • FAVS
    Playing_Dadli4mst3w4rtscrappydoo36findmydolls1dramafreemamaafamargonauttonywoodliefRhinoUR
    • 1,076
    • RETWEETS
    JokerVisionli4mst3w4rtscrappydoo36jaydelgrecoafamargonautKurtHenrysFenceRhinoURpoizngrl
    rickkondell1BigMickBazarComedyLama911worley_7huntigulaDallani
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    I shed a tear every time my cell phone rings at work and its not Morpheus

    • 1,403
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtninjadinosaur1l3ah21AmyCattyLackOfShameIceHuck_Pizza_Dough_imsheky
    • 929
    • RETWEETS
    LackOfShamerodrizmichaelUGANDANCRAZYrachelcritelliLauschJackBook_KrazyMoh54321Crashimfuckedanyways
    The_Just_FactorGreGooglyMooglythatUPSdudeJosesLovesYouiresurfaced__missekaykentgrossarthVEGD1MTeachersHot______GeauxSaints79CackleClub
  • theshamingofjay
      Jay @theshamingofjay

    It smells like meatballs and arrogance pic.twitter.com/DF0pBesr5c

    • 1,029
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtRussGolojeffhysenturnt_coldkris10yurczakTomOrr4AndersonEd27AHotMetss
    • 1,090
    • RETWEETS
    jimmyferlitokumpaliciousturnt_coldTomOrr4nabalabConorCoenrwdavis22461kranepool
    PAT_E_ROCK
@theshamingofjay

@theshamingofjay

Just another asshole