Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
How many times do I have to tell you this Mom? I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.
A demolition derby is just a Transformer orgy.
A man is like a Nintendo game. If he's not working, take it out and blow it and it'll start working again.
Not right now, the internet needs my brilliance.
One more pair of plaid shorts and I get my own parking spot at Whole Foods.
I listened to an entire Coldplay album and Siri just added a Brazilian wax appointment to my calendar.
I just listened to an entire Coldplay album and Siri just added a Brazilian wax appointment to my calendar.
It's called marriage because dying slowly living with someone you resent wouldn't fit on the certificate.
I thought my performance appraisal was going well until the part where I angrily asked my boss how many followers he has.
Neighborhood kids use my fat shadow as a refuge from the sun.
Just one more successful joke on the internet and I won't be a disappointment to everyone who's ever known me.
*furiously shakes you while you're sleeping*
WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!!
What was that Tom Petty video Johnny Depp was in?