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You can tell a lot about a person based on how long it takes them to find the gun emoji.
Saw a person smiling today and they weren't high or drunk. Weirdo.
Just hit 56 pictures in my selfie folder. I'm like the DiMaggio of narcissism.
Donald Trump's plan to register potential terrorists would only work if we did it for the real suspects, people who put peas in lasagna.
"but mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all" - me to nachos when I'm on a diet
Calm the fuck down vegetables. We get it.
I saw a rabbit get run over and now I'm worried that there's a little baby bunny somewhere getting bossed around by his cunt older sister.
Just saw a political post on Facebook that was factually correct and the person's account was immediately suspended.
After an exhaustive three day search two hikers were found under the mountain of half filled water bottles in my car.
"This user is private" the biggest lie Instagram ever told.
Remember when it wasn't annoying to send everyone of your snaps directly and to your story? I don't either.
It could be worse, you could have a selfie as your pinned tweet.
November Photo Challenge: try not showing your cervix on Frisky Friday.
Let's just say what we're all thinking: this tweet would have killed on black twitter.
Life's a piano and I'm wearing boxing gloves
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