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An electorate perpetually distracted by electronic devices and social media appalled neither of the candidates represent their "values"
Funny seeing you here I say to my will to live inside my cubicle.
The best way I could describe my fashion sense is that my girlfriend was legitimately worried I'd be wearing jorts this summer.
Just got 33 active minutes on my Fitbit scrolling through Facebook hating everything.
Walking down a cubicle aisle is the same as a wedding aisle. When you get to the end you question all of your decisions up to that point.
I think my girlfriend is pregnant, we had sex and she was immediately nauseous.
My girlfriend forgets to eat sometimes. I wish there was an appetizer before appetizers.
Your Instagram video has been viewed by 100 people and liked by 2.
Most of my followers have me muted. These people are often referred to as "having good judgement"
Girls find out who their enemies are by seeing who answers yes to the question "do you think I'd look good with my hair short?"
Most people know Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds isn't actually about acid, what they don't know is Yellow Submarine is about golden showers.
@calamitydaisy is the Cheryl to my Larry
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