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It's okay, I think to myself. I'm just in a 20 year funk.
9am: awake, ready for the day and start getting life together
12pm: tired and losing energy
5pm: given up, crying, eating cheese for dinner
Don't feel too bad that you're always on social media. Cavemen had the whole world to explore and they sat in caves and drew stick figures.
Never trust anyone who has less than three kinds of cheese in their refrigerator.
Corporate America: where you collect fired co-worker's name plates like dog tags.
STOP USING THE HEART EYE EMOJI MOM
When I buy generic versions of stuff at the store I imagine my kids starting their therapy sessions with "it all started when my dad bought"
Trump: the point is that trump trump trump
Kanye: false, it's really kanye kanye kanye
[mediator's head explodes]
Kanye West is running for president? A loud, obnoxious egomaniac with no political experience, how ridiculous.
Playing video games all day & eating cereal for dinner. Other than the anxiety & depression 7th grade me would be pretty happy with my life.
Snapchat is fun because I've always regretted all my actions and now I have picture proof of them.
[waiting outside Applebee's for table]
If god has a plan for me he got it at IKEA.
Just another asshole
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