Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Instagram is just a support group for narcissism.
I feel terrible. I'm not getting validation from social media.
*doctor draws two :) on rx pad*
"Post a selfie and call me in the morning"
I'm an awesome friend if you don't talk to me and never need anything.
At least if I get Ebola I'll know that I've reached none of my potential.
Carbon dioxide emissions are destroying the earth so how about you keep that story to yourself and save the planet.
We're listening to this music because this is MY car - what I would say if I wasn't my kid's bitch
*turns on Frozen soundtrack*
Stop talking about sex, ugly people.
*gets tattoo of the word cheeseburger in Japanese*
Divorce because sometimes you want a troll to have your phone number.
Why is my spider sense going crazy Peter Parker thinks right before he sees the chocolate bar wrappers in Mary Jane's garbage can.
With the amount of time I spend analyzing my actions before I make them it's amazing how much self loathing I have after.
Why the fuck did we want to get married? - gay people right about now