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"I am so sick of social media"
*checks 5 social media apps*
I just watched clips of Coachella on Snapchat and now I'm a general manager of Starbucks.
Ever look through your camera roll and question your existence?
Questions to ask if you want to wear a fedora.
Are you Frank Sinatra?
If the answer is no then don't do it.
The Kelley Blue Book value of a 2000 Subaru Outback is 30 flannel shirts and a signed Tori Amos ticket stub.
Me: gotta focus today, get your life together
Brain: was Slash's solo in the November Rain video at a different church than the wedding?
*fronts when revelation comes*
World: famine, genocide, drought, terrorism, disease
Me: ugh its like I can't take a good selfie today
I'm just glad the new update included the Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man emoji 👱🏿
"Friends" New York
Buy my new self help book. It's called "Do the exact opposite of everything I do"
Just when I think there's no hope in the world, the iPhone updates and I can do this 🎅🏿 and I know everything is going to be alright.
2016 Top Baby Names
Just another asshole
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