@notgarybusey @kimkardashian is a cunt. And I hate using that word.

I ate a lot of cheese today, my stomach has begun to roar like thunder and my butt has begun to breath like dragon

You guys want to see a dead body? #boulder http://t.co/QTmsxzxi

@chippy_nonstop @emptymagazine Let me know when you two start making out.

@theunzippedfly @drewmonge here...

One of the best catches I've ever seen #football http://t.co/438UCYEI

@beingpersephone @postsecret congratulations

@drewmonge No. No we don't. In fact, don't ever speak of this again. Ever.

@drewmonge the best is when you get called out on your grammar and the asshole spells it grammer.

Jews have their periods too RT @pattonoswalt Well, that was the angriest bagel shop I've ever been in -- customers & employees. #Tarrytown

@arjunbasu sometimes I try to interpret the inner meaning to your tweets and then remember how much I hated my high school english class.

@andrewmbogut http://bit.ly/hVvus5... 40 year old great grandmother, 23 year old grandmother, 11 year old mother #winning