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Felt a sneeze coming; grabbed the first tissue to hand by the side of my bed. Oh.
When I'm told to "take it easy" I want to say "no, I'm going to take it rough and hard!" and then I remember that's my nan I'm talking to.
Walking to work I spot a spider on my trousers. The looks I got, batting at my crotch with an umbrella at a zebra crossing, were priceless.
"NHS Direct, what are your symptoms?"
"I'm in Dalston."
Disposable cameras seem like they're fun but they're quite wasteful and you never get to see your pictures.
Last night I came home tipsy and dressed up as 'Slutty Iron Man' (Iron man hoodie; briefs).
Wanna hear the story of how a grown man blocked me on Twitter for taking care of his drunk partner? Sit down, boys and girls.
Sweet beautiful Ann.
I love penis
Today I quit my job so I can go work for Mickey Mouse. How was your day?
In future, when looking out the train window into the fields, must remember not to exclaim "bunnies!" if sitting alone.
Boy, 23. Works for a Mouse. Likes jokes, television, Marmite, scary movies and flossing. Dislikes needless physical exertion.