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I can't sleep because I'm too anxious that there may be flies
I'm going to try to sleep. Death to all the flies. If they wake me tonight I will spend my remaining days at war with them. Final warning
The last remaining fly (to my knowledge) just grazed my foot. He is challenging me. I am furious
I killed another one by smashing it against the wall with a book but I can't find the body. Is he really dead?
One fly is dead but there are two more flies. This is a cruel joke. Why is this happening to me?
It took 28 hours, but I finally killed the fly in my room
I don't actually know if I have a girlfriend or not
Hey people who have birds as pets! What the hell is wrong with you?
I'm coming to NYC soon in case anyone there wants to make out
A good alternative to offering your opinion is just "shut up forever"
Apologies, like most free things, are often worthless
One time a girlfriend broke up with me because I gave her a giant painting of us as farm animals on a 100 pound slab of concrete
When there's a fly in a room sometimes it feels like the only option is to blow up the whole building
All I want to do is eat all day and nothing else matters
How many gallons of coffee do doctors recommend per hour?
Take two random words and smash them together. Congratulations, you have just created a celebrity baby name
producer of ABC's The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. director of Looking for Lenny. very indoorsy. jerk with good intentions. dog lover.