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If anything doesn't go horribly wrong then it is a miracle
Everyone's dog can't be the best dog
My book comes out tomorrow! Please buy it and let me know so I can thank you! It's so cheap it's almost free! http://www.amazon.com/Texts-Your-Ex/dp/1844038785/ref=pd_sim_sbs_14_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=11M47TPH0PV79WE8WDMP&dpID=51touPLbqfL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR101%2C160_ …
You literally won't believe how many ads will pop up if you click this link!!!
Marry the person who disappoints you the least
It's been 16 months since the day I quit drinking and as cliche as it sounds I really couldn't have done it without you people. Thank you
I'm sorry I didn't go to your wedding but to be fair I probably won't even show up at my own wedding
Why am I so tired? Is it because of the unbelievably exhausting task of pretending to be an adult?
I can't sleep because I have to stay up and think about all the mistakes I've ever made until it's so late that I've ruined tomorrow
The best part of falling in love is when you forget that eventually you will end up tragically heartbroken
The best part of never going out is you won't meet any new people who will reject you
I can never remember which sport to not care about right now
The presidential candidates have basically all turned into bad guy wrestlers
producer of ABC's The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. director of Looking for Lenny. founder of Unspirational. very indoorsy
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