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People who have the same smile in every picture also have body parts in their freezers
Nothing is more terrifying than a person with no regrets
I like when people ask me for tips on growing their beard as if I can teach them ways to make hair come out of their face faster
Every single thing in your life has made you into the terrible person you are today
After you eat an onion bagel you're not allowed to get close to my face for 8 months
A great way to lose weight is to shut your mouth and never open it again
I'm out of shape but at least I'm also very unhealthy
It's sad that One Direction won't be making any more music for me to still not listen to
My longest relationship has been with disappointment
producer of ABC's The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. director of Looking for Lenny. very indoorsy. very unspirational
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