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If you stay with the wrong person for long enough you will eventually run out of other options and they will become the right person
This is the perfect time of night to spend three hours wishing you had gone to sleep four hours ago
It's super cute when people talk to me as if there is any chance I'm listening
I just told a girl I can't go out with her tonight because I have to do some stuff on Instagram
I wish I was good looking enough to be stupid
The death penalty for making small talk in a public bathroom
The best part of a breakup is the part when you pretend you're hurt so you can retain moral high ground but be jumping for joy on the inside
Saying "I'm sorry" is really cool and easy but doesn't actually solve anything
producer of ABC's The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. director of Looking for Lenny. very indoorsy. jerk with good intentions. dog lover.