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  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    “But I can’t conquer China! It’s way too big…”

    “Now Genghis, what do I always say?”

    *Sighs*

    “I’m Genghis Khan, not Genghis Khan’t.”

    • 7
    • FAVS
    katiememateyethan_harsha12ZachHill_24kielydeenwhitslegitkyrrie_daniellejsncrwfrd
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Wesley__JamesCody_TroutmanBeverly_Casechloearabella5MillieBrandmarycatelineWinslowHopeelijahtaylane
  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    “What’d you do today”
    “Went on treasure hunt”
    “I hope you mean job hunt”
    “Treasure hunt”
    “You need to find a job”
    “Not if I find treasure”

    • 7
    • FAVS
    Chaser2420short4mattZ_Harmsajmacdjwazthe_supplanterjsncrwfrd
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    Chaser2420short4mattalishiasalmondjwazAvatar_unknown_48
  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    Bored? Go into one of those Catholic confessionals today and see how long it takes the priest to realize you’re describing Batman’s life.

    • 7
    • FAVS
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    • 4
    • RETWEETS
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  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    I love how Simba acts upset when Mufasa dies as if he didn't just do a choreographed musical number called "I Just Can't Wait To Be King".

    • 4
    • FAVS
    short4mattTXbeisbolORACLE__savannahestevanAvatar_unknown_48
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    short4mattmelwazDenhamLyndsiesavannahestevangraywolf_5djwaz
  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    One more political tweet:

    Leslie Knope/Ron Swanson 2016

    • 4
    • FAVS
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    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    Firefighters sing “Let It Go” to calm a little girl that was stuck in an elevator.
    My cold, cold heart just melted.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MueovsNgnZo 

    • 5
    • FAVS
    rachelmeyer3kristinorthupMelMcDaniel88MacAttacRodgersGeomuss
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    kristinorthupMelMcDaniel88alishiasalmonGeomuss
  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    “Friends make the worst enemies.” #OneNationUnderwood @houseofcards

    • 5
    • FAVS
    AzzGodMJ_Aschhoc_fans__ethanraddHouseofCards
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
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  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    You think you’re really smart until you try to turn on someone else’s shower.

    • 4
    • FAVS
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    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    You want to know what real sadness is?

    Imagine a dragon trying blow up some balloons, but he keeps setting them on fire.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    djwazAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    Who you play as in Mario Kart tells me everything I need to know about who you are as a person.

    • 5
    • FAVS
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    • 3
    • RETWEETS
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  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    In honor of Columbus Day I'm going to drive around until I get lost then make myself at home in the first clearly inhabited house I find

    • 5
    • FAVS
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    • 3
    • RETWEETS
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  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    [Meeting at Round Table]
    “King Arthur, if I may?”
    “Go ahead”
    “Castles but bouncier”
    “Bouncy castles?”
    “But you gotta take your shoes off”

    • 3
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    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Cody_Troutmanallynovakelijahtaylanekyrrie_danielle
  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    If you ever think that you’ve made a big mistake, just remember that in 1788 the Austrian army attacked itself and lost 10,000 men.

    • 4
    • FAVS
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    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    I’m quite confident that the reason i’m single Is because i didn’t forward that chain letter in 2006.

    • 5
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    • 2
    • RETWEETS
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  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    Can't get a woman? Rip out your rib and make your own! Critics are raving "this doesn't work" and "I'm bleeding to death".

    • 4
    • FAVS
    _HannahRupertParty_LicciardijohnnycockyAvatar_unknown_48
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Party_Licciardijohnnycocky
  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    If you ever feel like you’ve forgotten something important, just remember that the Ancient Greeks never came up with a word for “blue”. 

    • 4
    • FAVS
    not_mariahChaser2420rebecca_sheppjsncrwfrd
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Chaser2420jsncrwfrd
  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    “How much for the horse tornado?”

    “Sir, that’s a carousel.”

    “I must have it.”

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    • RETWEETS
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  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    Idea: We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies, they’ll dig the wrong way.

    It’s called thinking ahead, guys.

    • 4
    • FAVS
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    • 1
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  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    It’s weird how after they couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King’s men were like, “Let’s give the horses a shot at it.”

    • 4
    • FAVS
    jsncrwfrdcody_d_phillipstiff_gonzalez22Avatar_unknown_48
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    jsncrwfrd
  • thezactaylor
      Zac Taylor @thezactaylor

    Every time a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my porch to show them what I’m capable of.

    • 3
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    SweetMamaEmMexicanRandyjsncrwfrd
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    short4mattalishiasalmon
@thezactaylor

@thezactaylor

Spectacular Vernacular.