Sleep tight. And don't worry if ghosts can teabag the living or not. They probably can.

"I'm Gay-4-Chik-Fil-A" is my new bumper sticker.

Out of respect, let the man trend: #coreyhaim.

Note to senators: Have your cyber affairs on MySpace & no one will ever know about it.

Decided to stop correcting autocorrect and I feel trees about it.

FYI. We're only 4 years away from when Back to the Future 2 happens.

Hardly anything more punk rock than smashing a guitar on stage... then apologizing to Clear Channel about it.

If the Navy SEAL who got to shoot Bin Laden in the head didn't say "always bet on black" before he fired -- missed opportunity.

Shit. I accidentally lined-up for the iPhone 5 outside Applebee's. Thanks, Captain Morgan.

If Bin Laden wanted a mansion without internet or telephone -- why didn't he just sign up with AT&T?

I really enjoy on X Factor and American Idol when people 15 years younger than me say "This is my last chance."

Congrats to Charlie Sheen for coming up with more T shirt worthy quotes in 1 day than any previous human.

I guess Amish people just yell their tweets.

Home alone with my 2 year old son. He just pointed into a dark, empty corner and said: "I don't like that guy. He's scary." #unsettling

November rain in LA. Good day to marry a supermodel, then have her die, and play a guitar solo in a field.

I like to think that today, Slash is waiting under another trap door somewhere, to pop up and play that riff.

Remember: Santa might check your browser history too.

"Dang, most of these promised virgins are real butterfaces." Bin Laden, arriving in his paradise.

As we speak, I'm putting together a crack team of gay soldiers to steal Christmas back from Rick Perry's mountaintop lair.

Six "Russian Nesting Dolls" in from David Bowie you get Tilda Swinton.