@timbalanced's most faved Tweets...
I'm in a carwash. I'm fucking tweeting from inside a carwash! Holy shit, Neil Armstrong would be proud.
My dead hooker tweet got me followed by a dating site. They obviously understand what I'm looking for in a relationship. Suck it match.com!
What's the best way to get more followers on Twitter? Complain about work, or keep sleeping with your mother?
I woke up this morning and there were dead hookers, crack whores and midgets everywhere. It's like Craigslist threw up in my living room.
Tip: Men, please show her vagina the respect it deserves. Kindly refer to it as "Her Vagesty", or "Snatchsquatch".
Dear Twitter,
Please give us a feature so we know who unfollowed and which tweet pissed 'em off. We'll take it from there.
Thanks!
Please give us a feature so we know who unfollowed and which tweet pissed 'em off. We'll take it from there.
Thanks!
I joined Twitter 2 weeks ago today. My bank account is empty, I now have hemorrhoids, my teen acne has returned & my liver is huge. #success
She was a beautiful woman. Our eyes locked. She walked over to me and extended her hand. I nervously stood, then pulled her finger.
I wish Twitter would let you know who unfollowed, so you could TP their profile page and set fire to their lists.
Palin boosts Oprah's audience to largest in years. Related: Cheesecake boosts Oprah's ass to largest in weeks.
This Thanksgiving I'd like to thank Superman for all of you miserable fucks that star my crap. Without you, I'd be on Facebook. And sober.
Happy Veterans Day. Thank you to all that have served. It's because of you that I can make an ass out of myself, daily, on the Internets.
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