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Reminder that Elmo is a monster and would eat you and your children if given the chance.
Facebook is telling me that this guy has listened to the same Bruno Mars song 4 times in the past hour ::imagines him crying into a fedora::
Tried to see the beginning of Josh & Bethany's conversation until i realized it goes back to infinity & swallows you it is a black hole
lol if you have a "significant other" that cares about you and makes you happy
Young woman's pro-Herman Cain Facebook status > followed by several pro-Cain statements>followed by old woman's "where are you...come home"
SO excited about my new venture: a Spielberg-themed bordello factory. Can't wait to have the WarHorse Whorehouse Warehouse open 4 business!
Don't ever read videogum. It will ruin your life. #tweetyour16yearoldself
Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol #describeyoursexlifewithamovietitle
Mission Impossible #describeyoursexlifewithamovietitle
Oh good Titus Andronicus is shit-talking Bon Iver what an interesting feud for them to starzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Good Night And Good Luck #describeyoursexlifewithamovietitle
poops like jagger by adam latrine (this tweet nominated for 5 Cable Ace awards)
High school crush just got engaged? PFFFFT whatever. I have 1,028 followers. Top that. :::dies alone:::
Area Teen Refuses To Accept Reality Or Humor
In the "Favorite Books" section of Facebook, someone put "Sarah Palin's Book".
There's a moment in the Tree of Life when the Tree's wisecrackin' sidekick, The Bush of Luv, accidentally steps in some dog doo! Classic!
I just realized that almost every girl i've ever known has D.E.N.N.I.S.'d me.
More like Mumford & Sonzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz #nailedit