Barack Obama on violence against peaceful protestors: http://t.co/kJuRUUun

Current Status: http://t.co/2ZTsZoTQ

"Is it ironic or sad that people will pay $4 for a latte that takes five minutes to make, but not an app that took five months?" - @camh

I don't know why English has so many silent letters, like the k in knock. And invisible letters, like the k in dictatorship.

Occasionally a little sarcasm slips in to my tweet stream.

You probably won't notice it though.

Favstar database is 70GB now. 70GB of dick and fart jokes.

Yes I run a porn site. It was an accident.

Tweeting bullshit since day 1™

Related: our first day in the USA taught me that I didn't previously know the meaning of obesity.

Do these tweets make me look like I'm fucking procrastinating?

There's no such thing as too many tacos.

Is there a movie Jason Statham is in where he never touches a gun?

Almost forgot today's #FF. @a @b @c @d @e @f @g @h @i @j @k @l @m @n @o @p @q @r @s @t @u @v @w @x @y @z

Significant to web engineers: Twitter's moving away from Hashbangs (#!). http://t.co/6QWUR9yr

Owning a sugar plantation would be pretty sweet.

I don't remember his name, but I could draw a picture of his avatar for you.

Dear Mayans, please explain that story one more time. A little more slowly perhaps?

Sushi without wasabi is like Robin without Batman.

I can't believe you guys let me go to Walmart. Assholes.

"Please delete my tweets from your website. I'm a <job requiring responsibility> and can't have those tweets linked to me."