In heaven all of the comments sections are disabled.

Why don't they make tiny condoms?

Own it like you've known it.

Brought a knife to a cock fight. ?

Sharkskin wallet week?

Million dollar idea: dumpster baby cribs.

Some day my Prince Harry will come.

Pretty sure that at some point I'll end up with a tattoo of a bellybutton on my lower back.

Please stop asking me about my passive-aggressive need for attention.

I miss asbestos. :(

They make me wear this sticker whenever I'm at work. http://t.co/GEi316wF

"Nothing tastes as good as light feels." - Kate Moth

Seriously considering taking down some of my Kirk Cameron Tiger Beat posters.

There's special place in hell for people who say that there's a special place in hell.

Calling in sick due to "nude Prince Harry photos" to work today.

Remind me to show you my "Kanye West might be a judge on American Idol?" face.

There is no "I" in tag team. :(

I just tried to star a missed call on my phone.

Does anyone have a creative juicer I can borrow?

Looking forward to some legitimate food for lunch.