GUYS I'M GOING TO A SCREENING OF THE MASTER TOMORROW NIGHT AND AMY ADAMS AND PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN WILL BE THERE I CONTROL FATE CRYING BYE

Guns don't kill people. People WITH GUNS kill people. So.....I guess......yeah, it is kinda the guns. Dammit.

Remember in high school when we thought Christmas break was a big deal because we had like 6 days off? Now we have 40 days off. #whatislife

If I'm not allowed to retweet you, you're dead to me.

#AmyAdams #PhilipSeymourHoffman #lifecomplete #halfofDoubt pic.twitter.com/JMFJ3OOQ

I just met Amy and Philip and told Amy she was magical and beautiful. That happened. & when I asked for a picture she said Get in here. #bff

"Sometimes to get to someplace new, you have to change the way you're doing things." @girlshbo

The only thing I care less about than The Hobbit is Django Unchained. Come at me, everyone with penises. I know you're angry. #dontcare

80% of my tweets are about @lenadunham. The other 40% are about how bad I am at math.

@evanrachelwood Could not retweet that fast enough.

I can't believe I hung out with Amy Adams last night and they're still expecting me to go to class like one of you peasants.

Hey, America? I just have to tell you something real quick. "Definitely" and "defiantly" are two separate words. That's all, buddy.

I don't understand 86% of these floats or why they're relevant.

I'm thankful for Jennifer Aniston.

"You know what...I would save the receptionist. Just to clear that up." #oldschoolOffice #stillcrying @jennafischer

I just found an earring in my coat pocket. I feel like this is all I need to launch a successful rap career.

Hi I'll have nine large coffees please

 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1727824/ … Are we all aware of this? Sacha Baron Cohen as Freddie Mercury directed by Tom Hooper DEAR LORD, I HOPE THIS IS REAL.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE IS HOSTING SNL. IT'S OVER. THE END. SHE WILL SAVE THE SHOW. #marryme

@martha_lavery on @johnkrasinski: What was his first tweet? Both of us: yolo hashtag yolo. WHY DO WE BOTH KNOW THAT? WE'RE TOO WHITE! HELP.