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Is 'How I Met Your Mother' on Nick at Nite yet?
Don't fall in love with someone who compares you to a feral cat. Or do. I don't know. I'm so lost & afraid & vulnerable.
I don't know what to tweet about.
Someone told me my personality is as sexy as my body which means my personality has HUGE BOOBS.
Who wants to date me? Jk, but seriously.
I would say my life really went wrong when I decided not to get a fairy tattooed on my left boob.
"You sure do date winners." "More like wieners, am I right? Shoot me." -conversation with myself hey is anyone on twitter single?
I like my bagels medium well w/ a side of jewish fiancé who will shut up & provide for me.
everybody doin' a good job on favstar? cool. i'm proud of you. know that.
I stick this pregnancy test under my tongue, right?
People who still order burritos instead of burrito bowls at Chipotle: I appreciate you.
Wanna hang out? Me neither.
I hate you guys.
My legs aren't shiny enough to be on a talk show.
If Katy Perry's boobs can't keep a marriage together I'm fucked.
Is there a brand of jeans called "Muffin Bottoms"?
"I'm just, like, super into the number 6." -valley girl satanist?
Just took a bite of a gluten-free slice of pizza & my stomach made a sad noise & I was all "I know, buddy. I know."
The more tongue sticking out emoticons you use the more adorable you look. Also no one takes you seriously & you prob dont have a future. :P
Poll: Will there be more a) 11/11/11 tweets, b) complaints about 11/11/11 tweets, c) they are the same thing