'MAY' contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn't. Don't waste my fucking time,

You big tittied girls have it so easy, you can say anything, he's not listening anyways. I have to make sense and be smart and shit.

Hey homophobic straight guys who are into lesbians, you know that lesbians are homosexual too right? You fucking retarded cunts.

Jesus Christ, it's only gay if you want a guy doing it. Now shut the fuck up and let me finger your ass.

My potatoes bring all the Irish to my yard, and they're like "that famine was hard".

I'm so Canadian, I masturbate watching hockey and use maple syrup for lube.

I'm ok with having tiny tits because I have a great ass, plus when I dress up like a naughty school girl, it's that much more believable.

IDEA! Vibrating bike seat. The harder you pedal, the stronger the vibration. I'd be so fuckin skinny. Someone get on this.

I look good topless. From the back. With my torso at a 48 degree angle. No, look from off centre to the right. There ya go, now close 1 eye.

Facebook bitches get so pissy when I comment "Do you need to borrow a coat hanger?" on the sonogram pictures they post.

I can't titty fuck, so that's why I take it in the ass.

My nude pics are more National Geographic than Hustler.

This is my outlet to say the crazy shit in my head out loud. If you have negative comments, just unfollow and keep them to yourself. Cunts.

I think the "twitter fucked up and unfollowed you" is the new "I didn't get your text"

I'm the kind of girlfriend that gives you a boner at WalMart, then makes a way too loud comment about it.

I like to use dicks as a measurement. Ex: He's a huge dick taller than me. These pants are a small dick too long. Stay 9 dicks away from me.

Be a gentleman and hold her hair back for her when she's blowing you. Bitches love gentlemen.

I wish I had the confidence of an obese chick wearing a tube top.

I like morning sex because that's when I'm my thinnest.

If I let you put it in my butt, I don't think your dick is very big. Either that or I'm drunk.