Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Heavy breathing is far more entertaining on an international conference call.
Oh winter white can of coke how you almost caused someone's death at my hands thinking the vending machine was giving me diet death.
My hair is just as excited that its friday as I am. #ilovefridays
Death can just go fuck itself this summer.
At home, I count to 3 while pulling toilet paper off the roll. In public restrooms, I count to 5. I like to stick it to the man.
I know you have it rough Monday, but seriously, you don't need to distinguish yourself with nothing but bad news. #mercy #icryuncle
apparently my blog is a big hit with ukrainian porn lovers. #writingISsexy
I think I might be in an abusive relationship with habanero peppers. #hurtssogood #truelove #dontleaveme
When I pass by a pooping dog and make eye contact, I get embarrassed for them. #truestory
Old episodes of COPS - amazing small talk research.