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Next era of manned spaceflight coming "quicker than you'd believe," per NASA administrator Charles Bolden #NASATweetup
A Chicago Cubs affiliate is making fun of LeBron James for not having any rings? I assume irony isn't one of the five tools.
Natalie Portman: The only person who has managed to make everyone forget she was in any way involved in The Phantom Menace.
Between the lozenges, diet, and constant crippling self-assessment I'm basically on the @marcmaron life plan. Going well so far.
TONIGHT: @geofftate96 at @felixandoscars at 8:30 p.m. FREE. With me, @thejohneide, @derekmoulds, and host @danumthun. MORE WORDS IN CAPS.
I liked the Mega Millions jackpot when it was only $476 million. #hipsterlottery
"You can keep your Justin Bieber, your Lady Gaga and Minaj, or whatever her name is. Just plug in some AC/DC and let's go." - Jon Bon Jovi
Performing at the Otley Cat in Perry with @derekmoulds @danumthun and @reamkore. Come out. It's gonna get freaky
Fell asleep last night with a burrito in my hand. That's not an "oh man I was soooo wasted" anecdote. That's a "oh god I am so alone" one.
Is there a new state law that says if you are at a garage sale you'll get towed if you don't park like an asshole?
Trent Reznor has gone from Industrial Hate Machine to Guy Who Thanks His Wife At The Oscars. The '90s are now dead forever.
Hey friends: I'll be headlining the stand-up portion of @comedyrevolver Monday at the Gas Lamp with @thejohneide. Come check it out.
If you seek entertainment this weekend you'd be remiss not to catch @jaylarsoncomedy and @warrenbhall at @funnybonewdm.
I got a tweet favorited by a porn bot. Been awhile since that happened. Was starting to think I was even too desperate for them.
Every February 14th my grandfather calls to tell me I'd be speaking Kraut if it weren't for him. He doesn't understand dates well. #VDay
Tonight! Vaudeville Mews! 10p.m.! Live comedy! Far fewer exclamation points!
Saturday Night Live comedy at th… http://t.co/ZzsXRzLh
Comedian and writer. Therefore occasional cook. The voice of America that @ericsundy wishes existed.
