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My hate for filling up ice cube trays outweighs my love for cold beverages.
Anxiety is like having a dentist appointment tomorrow everyday.
My dentist's dick is now the mayor of my shoulder on foursquare.
Ke$ha - strong password choice, weak music choice.
Beards don't get longer, they only get more serious.
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
The only reason they make yellow starbursts are for when someone asks you for one.
I just lint rolled my cat and it completely disappeared.
If I know where the blanket is, my bed is made.
If your job requires you to tell people to have a good day, odds are you're not having one yourself.
stand up comedy, pizza parties, and panic attacks.