@toddster's (todd) most faved Tweets...
I keep forgetting, how many weeks does a lady have to go without calling you back before she's a huge lesbian?
I've decided to go as a burrito this year. It's pretty easy, you just need a blanket (tortilla), a bed (plate) and depression (depression).
-Enter bathroom.
-Reach for light switch.
-Freak out and scream like a girl.
-Remember that this particular T-shirt glows in the dark.
-Reach for light switch.
-Freak out and scream like a girl.
-Remember that this particular T-shirt glows in the dark.
I keep seeing all these people holding their phones up to their ears. I don't get it, are you LISTENING to Twitter somehow?
I always wear my headphones on the bus. I'm listening to a playlist called "My iPod Is Off, I Just Don't Wanna Talk To Crazies".
The same parents who built a crazy space balloon named their son Falcon. I don't have a joke for that.
The clock on the iPhone lock screen really should have an AM/PM indicator.
You know, in case you're a total winner like me.
You know, in case you're a total winner like me.
Whatever, rent-a-cop. I'll eat my Cinnabon in whatever state of undress I want to. Hey, they let you guys carry tasers now? I didn't kn
I think a good thing to name your band if you were all die-hard heroin addicts would be The Methadon'ts.
Each time I don't know how to fix a problem with my iPhone, I realize if Einstein were here he wouldn't know how either, and I feel better.
My next joke was going to be "Will I get swine flu from eating all this bacon?", then I remembered that people ACTUALLY BELIEVE that.
16
If you told the 13 year old me that there would one day be a major TV show about superheroes and he would not be watching it, he'd slap you.
16
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar