@dogboner @mcdonaldscorp why does Mayor McCheese continue to do nothing about the ongoing Hamburglary epidemic?

Ran into @georgetakei when using the restroom yesterday. There is no socially acceptable way to say "I admire your work" while peeing.

Well looks like it's about time to change my direct deposit settings. Sending my paychecks directly to Nintendo.

Awesome Jenga in the parklet night with @rpereyda @jamespopstar @ashpaulsen @calacornprince @skademon @bencarignan - thanks guys! radness.

Gonna sew together my @lagamespace t-shirts when I get em and make a Pendleton O'Malley original

weirdest crossover ever @danharmon @donaldglover @david_lynch http://t.co/shY3lith

Girl has @spaceboyfriend's Watermelon Party as ringtone.
Me: "cool watermelon party ringtone!" Her: "not anymore," changes it, mad dogs me

no more fumbling around with the INPUT button! thank god, my first world problems were overwhelming #xboxreveal

@bencarignan someone be KIM JONG ILLIN!!!! Ha ha ha...

☎☎☎

...what? Really??? ...two years ago? Shit. Jong-un, I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's a long long way to ma dang sae pic.twitter.com/1eG5Z7Lf

@nameoftheyear at the famed Santa Nella Feral Cat exhibit pic.twitter.com/vBeE80wo

@nameoftheyear did you Go Hard?

@hentaigirl69 if you want to hear more, there's always @catsonmarsmusic ! 💘

@naroomin sweets factory also good place to buy real crystal meth

Attempted @jamespopstar trick of "but I was just in there and I'm trying to get back in" to no avail

ATTN:TOKYO ppl! @naroomin and I are writing a blog on crash space in all forms and need YOUR HELP doing research the week of 10/17-10/24

Bobby Flay is the worst human being ever born. Even Hitler cooked with more than just a skillet.

Weekend accomplished http://t.co/E8A0lUfA

Hey I just met you / and this is crazy / but I'm high on angel dust and the voices say to kill you with this shovel to gain immortality

Blew my tax refund on obscene domain names again :D