Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
More like Mehmford & Sons...
The NFL Replacement Refs judged me the funniest comic in Los Angeles!!!
BEASTIE KROSS tribute super group/tour?!?!
If I'm ever in your "Tony Bock has tweets for you" e-mail and you're NOT Sheila - it's a fucking lie! EVERYTHING IS FOR SHEILA! EVERYTHING!!
I'm gonna sell my on-line comedy special for $35,000.
(on knees/crossed fingers/gazing up at the sky:) Come on, Mayans... LET'S GO BABY! I STILL BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!?!?!
I have to say I'm thankful for my youthful good looks...my charm...my sense of humor...but mostly for my humility... #thankfulthursday
Just sued my muse.
Ad people get the big money 'cuz they make the TOUGH calls... "Do I use a Black Keys or Lumineers song on this?!?!" They're Artists!!!
All this praise for "Movember," yet I try and get "Pubember" going and NO ONE CARES!?!?
This needs no Fact Check: The most disgusting thing imaginable is the sight of an elderly woman quizzically sniffing her finger.
AND, future "Sugar Mama," in addition to my progressive views on traditional gender roles, I'm hella cute and amazeballs in the sack!
I might tweet what I just had for lunch with a link to a fucking cat pic just to piss off people who hate twitter. #oatmealbitch
Sometimes in life you chuck a Hail Mary pass as hard and far as you possibly can... and then find out you were in a game of billiards.
My jokes are so old, tired and played out that they just signed a deal to star in "Expendables 3"
"I'M SEXY AND NOBODY KNOWS IT" - CMFEO
Don't say Mitt doesn't know how to create jobs... I'm about to get rich off of my "Wrongny-Lyin' '12" bumper sticker business.
"That comment left on that blog post was sure well-reasoned and enlightening!" - Nobody
Pretty sure my entire existence has been taken out of context.